Be Nice To Stupid People

The bachelor life continues and while I consider the merits of whether I should do laundry or purchase clean underwear I am engaged in making friends with the people I meet online.

By that I mean I told someone who asked for my opinion that I would give them an F or maybe an F- for something they wrote.

It was logically inconsistent, muddled and painful to read.

Someone else asked me if I thought that was fair and I asked if I missed a notification about a holiday called “Be Nice To Stupid People.”

What Color Is The Sky In Your World?

It is fair to say I am fired up about a few things and that my frustration may be spilling over here and there.

I am done with giving some people the benefit of the doubt and heavily focused on trying to get a better sense of whether the doctors are doing what they are supposed to be doing.

Though I haven’t provided specifics those are two separate and unrelated issues but both are chap my hide and tug on the old short hairs in a way that makes it hard to ignore,

So I turned on some music and hoped it would help take the edge off but thus far I feel my temperature rising so maybe I ought to change what I am listening to or go for another walk.

Had a decent work out earlier but as I mentioned it didn’t suck the steam out of me and since it didn’t take the edge off I am wondering if I need more.

****

Prior to coming back to Texas one of the clergymen at the rehab facility my dad was at started a conversation with me.

He asked for our background and offered to include my father in his prayers.

I thanked him for it and we spent some more time speaking. He said if I had an open mind I might come to accept there is a plan for us that people aren’t privy to.

I told him I wasn’t a fan and that it meant as much to me as the president’s suggestion that thoughts and prayers would help the families of those murdered by guns.

Since it was just us and I needed a moment to catch my breath before I hit the freeway I spent some more time speaking with him.

He said I could speak openly so I told him that those kinds of comments make me wonder what color the sky is in his world.

Doesn’t matter to me who says it, I don’t agree with the premise that we ought not to be upset because there is some mystical plan for our loved ones that we aren’t privy to.

I live and love hard. Break my heart and I figure it will heal but I don’t spend time trying to figure out if it was broken because XYZ is/was required to play a role in a show that I am not starring or featured in.

Doesn’t matter to me if you believe it, that is ok for you, just don’t force it upon me.

 

I Am Swimming With An Anchor Tied Around My Ankles

It took a moment for me to catch my breath and recognize that some of the frustration came from feeling like I am swimming with an anchor tied around my ankles.

Kind of reminds me of some old swim team moments from some 6 am workouts where I held a water bottle above my head while treading water.

While I sorted through the events and moments of the recent past I stumbled upon some old movie playing a Vera Lynn song that I remembered hearing the altercockers sing at Farmer’s Market in Hollywood.

Those guys were mostly WWII vets, but there were some guys who served in Korea too.

It was a colorful combinatiomn of men and some women who had a mix of accents and tales from their youth.

They’d play cards, swap stories and often times shoot the breeze in a mix of Yiddish and English.

Sometimes I wonder if they would recognize the world today and what they would think of the technology.

Sadly I think some would recognize political rhetoric. The fearmongering, the finger pointing at the other, that wouldn’t be new.

Pretty sad if you think about it.

****

This perpetual exhaustion is getting old so I took some time to do some introspection to try and confirm where this is all coming from.

I concluded it really is lack of sleep.

Three different issues are all in play and I can’t control any of them. The best I can hope for is to manage them.

Since it really is only a few days since I returned from California I am not going to freak out about any of this as I might still be catching up.

I am giving myself until Wednesday after which I’ll reevaluate and see if I feel better rested.

In the interim I suppose I ought to get off of this thing and start getting ready for a new week. Can you believe we are more than half way through 2018.

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1 Comment

  1. jayme July 16, 2018 at 5:43 am

    Sweet Friend:

    I feel, hear, feel and feel your pain of this precipice. Having experienced ALL of this and then some with the dysfunctional family that continues just a short year ago, it’s fresh and painful.

    All I can offer is to keep your strength to get through each grueling moment wondering if that conversation will be the last live one for awhile. It’s horrible and still is/will be.

    You mask your true status so well. I try to deduce – you’re in Texas working and traveling some. The family (wife??) remains in Cali, I believe.

    At any rate, let the words be your therapy.

    Much love,

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