The Future Is Not Yours To Give

Another night listening to music and another night thinking about…things.

My perspective on some of them is…skewed and I don’t know if that means I can’t figure out the truth of what is or isn’t.

Don’t know it means that I can’t either. I only know this adult stuff is far more complicated than the kid I used to be imagined it would be.

One of the guys calls and asks me for my opinion about the woman he is seeing now. I laugh and tell him it must feel good to be 50 and know the same questions we asked in high school still exist.

He says it is not funny and I say I am sure she feels confused too.

“So what would you do in my situation?”

“I don’t know brother. I go through cycles of listening to particular artists and let some songs find me.”

He tells me I am not helping and I say I have another quote to share.

What Does That Mean?

I answer his question by saying if he was here I would slap him in the head.

“Why would you do that?”

“Because you’re not asking for advice. You’re asking me to say I agree with the decision you have already made. Be honest with yourself and you’ll be happier.”

He tells me that he doesn’t think it is a good excuse for engaging in violence.

“I don’t need an excuse to slap you in the head. If I wanted to to I would just do it.”

“You realize this is why people hate you.”

“Damn, I thought it was because I am lactose intolerant and I keep eating ice cream.”


We banter back and forth some more and he tells me he is scared about starting over.

“If you do it enough times it gets easier. Remember, I am pretty familiar with it. I have moved more times than I care to count in the past five years.

Been through a number of huge changes and am in the midst of another. Embrace it and just ride the wave.”

He says he will and I hang up hoping he follows through.

Change is…hard.

But it is easier when you have some say in it…sometimes.


Someone told me I ought to come up with a new shtick and not say I know things.

I think they said it because they don’t want to submit to the truth of my knowledge. That is a much larger and longer conversation that we’ll leave for a different day.

Instead we’ll move onto understanding because that is what plagues me today.

I know many things but lately feel like I lack understanding about quite a few of them. It irks me.

The lack of understanding that is. I hate feeling like I mostly get it but know I am missing a piece of the puzzle that might be the key to everything.

I want to say it is over analysis that creates this but that is only true some of the time. There are others where I know much but not enough and what I am missing feels like the keystone to the arch of understanding.


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