There was a moment when I left the current world of pancreatic cancer for a time I like to call the Johnny & June Days.
I drove by a few spots and places and thought about things that were, things that are and things that might be.
Somewhere in the echoes of the past I heard the ringing of the future and wondered if the massive wall of emotion that coming back brought out had anything to do with what I sensed.
It would make perfect sense if it did and it would be reasonable but at the same time part of me heard a voice saying to let go and let be and recognized it as being evidence of something.
Something meaning a part, place, piece, person or presence that proves that lightning strikes in all sorts of ways and that we can’t rely solely upon logic/rational thought.
You Make Me Uncomfortable
Those four words were shared with me because I refused to be silent and I refused to sugar coat what was going on.
It had nothing to do with the medical condition I flew out to LA for and everything to do with my verbally bludgeoning someone who disagreed with me about guns and the NRA.
They said it was unfair for me to suggest they might be complicit in the deaths of others and that it is unfair to try to hold them accountable for the bad behavior of others.
I agreed with what they said.
I told them it is unfair and is unreasonable to ask me to drive my car according to the rules of the road and that I hate paying so much for insurance I rarely ever need.
They said it wasn’t a fair comparison and tried to squirm every which way out of being part of any social compact/contract but I refused to let them do so.
Ultimately they told me it wasn’t just that I disagreed with them but the intensity of my disagreement.
“How can you be so intense and so focused? You make me uncomfortable.”
I smiled and said I am intense and focused about many things and I make others uncomfortable. Not everyone, but some people.
I am well aware of it and I just don’t care.
I am who I am and when it comes to certain things I push hard because it is important.
Why should our children grow up believing school shootings are a fact of life and that nothing can be done about it.
Why should I help others lie to the the kids and to themselves.
I won’t do it.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not convinced we can completely eliminate such things because we can’t. I am not anti-gun either.
You might or might not find one or more in my home but you won’t find me pretending that the 2A gives civilians the rights to own every weapon the government might.
You won’t find me making stupid arguments about how the only way I can defend my home and my fellow citizens is buy owning an F-15 and an armory.
What Now, What Next
During the past two weeks I have been in Jacksonville and LA and spent just a day or two home in Texas.
Been away so much and so often I feel like I could get lost in a 18 hour hug and nap for three days.
There is a boat load of stuff to catch up on but I still feel like I am asking, what now, what next?
I am fired up and ready to bite off some heads and kick some ass up, down and around the road.
Ready to push to make things happen and to try to get through to some people who need to either get with the program or get out of the way.
Maybe it is because of the unease of the medical stuff and maybe it is because I hear the damn bells of the future ringing and I don’t know what to make of it.
At the moment the biggest issue is the alien that is trying to chew his way out of my head. Two Advil hasn’t made a dent in it nor has 983 ounces of water.
Might be lack of sleep so I figure I’ll go wander to my bed and try to catch 48 winks or so.
It is good to be home again, I am ready to try to relax for a bit…maybe.