Did You Really Fake It?

A guy told me that if I wanted to push my blog to new heights, gain more respect, more followers and more business opportunities I ought to buy followers on Twitter, Facebook and anywhere else that could make me look more popular.

I asked if that was what he had done and he winked at me.

For a moment I wondered where his trench coat was and if he was going to whip it open and give me a look at a bunch of hot watches to buy.

Instead I thought about whether it would give me a real leg up and what I would say if people asked me if I had faked it.

That brought out my twisted sense of humor and I thought about a time I told someone I had faked it and then I stopped writing about it because you don’t get to know that story.

Instead I’ll tell you that rumor has it that Barry Manilow still has it.

Sing along now,

Last night I waved goodbye,
Now it seems years
I’m back in the city
Where nothing is clear
But thoughts of me holding you,
Bringing us near

Barry Did Fake Something

I can’t comment on whether Barry’s voice has held up but I can say his face is fake now. I doubt he can close his eyes without untying the strings holding things tight.

That being said, the old man gets credit for his songwriting, he might not have gotten the whole world to sing but he did wonders for 70 something year-old Jewish women and some younger still. 😉

We Stand Upon The Crossroads

Google photos told me that I made my first trip to the Stockyards five years ago today.

I looked at some shots and smiled at the memories and marveled at how much has changed since then. I came to Texas looking for opportunity and answers.

I found some and left with new questions some of which still haven’t been answered. I can’t say that I expected they would upon my return but I hoped a bit.

Thing is, I am so different in some ways and yet so very much me that I don’t know if those answers matter any more.

They wouldn’t change much and might not provide the sort of peace of mind I would hope they would or maybe that is what you say when you don’t expect to get them.


It has been a week.

A series of moments in which I have been beaten and pummeled and yet found moments of triumph.

In my mind’s eye I watched them stab me not because I couldn’t fight back but because I wanted them to see that I was still standing.

I wanted to see how long it would take for them to crumble under my resolve and my gaze.

Thing is, I don’t know if they ever crumbled and all I got was a beating I didn’t need nor want.

But maybe it worked, faking it that is.

Maybe pretending not to care or feel no pain made them second guess themselves and maybe they are wondering if they ought to take their trouble elsewhere.


Now we stand upon the crossroads waiting to see whether the wind will fill our sails or if we shall be forced to row.


About That Strong Yearning

Sometimes I wonder if that strong yearning Barry was singing about referred to what happens after you drink 64 ounces of water.

If that doesn’t prove I am not 25 anymore I am not sure what will.

Ok, that is not true, I might have made a prostate j0ke but let’s be real, just riffing about Barry Manilow proves I am not 25.


The past two days share one major thing in common: there were two moments in which I didn’t give into the strong yearning to tell someone how dire their need is for either a major sexual release or a visit to a proctologist to solve their cranial rectum problem.

It is too bad I don’t have that kind of will power around pizza.

Final Words

I feel changes coming and I have for a while.

Can’t say precisely what, when or where but I expect them to be profound and in some cases unexpected.

That is a funny place to be, expecting the unexpected and wondering if you can anticipate that which you can’t really see but can feel.


There is a girl who told me I am infuriating and who wonders why I refuse to listen.

A girl who can’t decide whether to love or hate me and who has given me that female look of death more than once.

When she walked away and I yelled “love you”at her she didn’t turn around or say it back.

I smiled and shook my head because the list of people that can get away with that kind of behavior with me is short.

The most recent time this happened I reminded her not to test me, but she didn’t care.

Her older brother almost said something as she passed but recognized the storm upon her brow and stayed silent.

I flashed a fake smile his way and had to admit that sometimes I do fake it.


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