Dead Roses & Sour Whine

One of the neighbors saw me midway through my walk and asked how far I go and if I do it every day.

“I average about 5 miles and do my best not to miss a day.”

“I saw you walking when it was over a 100 and the humidity was high. You must be a native Texan.”

I laughed and said I am from the San Fernando Valley and well acquainted with heat.

“You are just as crazy as the other Texans. I hope you stay hydrated. Keep it up.”

“I am not as crazy as some of the other Texans I know or so I think. Do crazy people ever recognize how crazy they are.”

We both laughed and I set off again.

You Have To Keep Walking

Stephen King’s ‘It’ kept me company for the first three or four miles and then I moved to music.

Listened to Johnny sing Ring of Fire, These Eyes by The Guess Who but needed something with more energy to push me on and moved to Lenny Kravitz’s cover of American Woman.

By the time I hit mile four I had moved on to Meat Loaf’s Bat Out Of Hell and rediscovered my rhythm.

“Well I can see myself tearing up the road, faster
Than any other boy has ever gone
And my skin is raw, but my soul is ripe,
And no one’s gonna stop me now, I’m gonna make my escape”

It always gets me moving and every time I hear it I don’t think, I know that I am going to tear down the walls and find that other side.

By the time I got home I was exhausted and made a mental note to remember that today I blew the hell out of that 5 mile average because I did two miles in the afternoon with my son, almost five later on and then another 3 later on.

Part of me was proud of the effort and the other part said to bottle the pride because morning will come and my 48 year-old body might not appreciate being treated like its 20 years younger.

Or maybe it will, maybe the time spent walking before this will pay off.

Dead Roses & Sour Whine

Somewhere during the third session I started thinking about lifting weights and how I haven’t done enough of it lately.

Caught my reflection in a window and shook my fist at myself because I have to add the lifting to the walking so that I can find a way to turn that fire in my belly on inside my metabolism too.

In between the fist shaking and the mental flagellation I thought some more about the general craziness and wondered if I could beat it into submission.

Decided that it would feel good but worried about whether my fists would break before I got the change I was hoping to push through.

Not to mention that beating people into an attitude adjustment is called assault and frowned upon in general society.

Since I prefer to remain free to roam the streets and am particularly unhappy with shackles I concluded that a physical beating is best left to Sonny Corleone and company.

I am probably better with words anyway or at least I usually think I am. I did receive an email not long ago that suggest I am just a hack.

It is not the first time that has happened nor will it be the last.

One of these days I might respond with a letter thanking them for their dead roses and whine.

And now for some more Meat Loaf.

Epilogue

There is a lot going on now and I suspect that if I really were 25 years younger I would be really unhappy.

Physically I would have far more stamina and strength to deal with it all.  I didn’t have any other responsibilities or worries so I spent hours in the gym and I looked like it.

But I didn’t have the mental toughness or the emotional maturity to handle all that has come and is still coming.

I probably wouldn’t have been smart enough to ask for help and would have done my best to just power through it all.

Funny thing is, I still try to power through it all and I still don’t like asking for help. Some of it is because I don’t want people in my business and some of it is because I don’t trust some to really be there.

It is easier to focus on what and who I know I can rely upon. But there may come a time where I’ll have to reach out and if it does, well I will do it.

In the interim I am going to see what I can do to figure it out on my own, I kind of like the challenge.

Now if only I can figure out how to eat like I am still 23. 🙂

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