Living in A Lollipop Land of Lying Liars, Dopes & Dummies

“It is a volatile situation and it is probably going to get nastier before it gets better.”

The words were said without any sort of edge in the most matter-of-fact voice I have at my disposal.

It wasn’t acting or hard to do because the situation is that clear to me and unless something changes nasty and ugly are going to join the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and come riding into town.

Part of me wanted to play the theme to The Magnificent Seven because I knew the people I was speaking with would recognize it and I figured it might help lighten the situation.

Figured that maybe it would help them remember that life is one hell of a crafty devil and you never know when you’ll get the bitch, the bastard or the hero riding by your side or for you.

And then I thought about whether it might do to set the expectations as low as possible and thought about playing Love The Way You Lie.

As a writer I appreciate the story that it tells because it requires very few words to paint a picture.

Sadly the sordid tales that compreise Living in A Lollipop Land of Lying Liars, Dopes & Dummies will require a few more words than the aforementioned.

The Pray For Trump & Dumb Attorneys National Disaster Day

The very best part of loving someone comes from just how infuriating they can be, especially when you are lucky enough to have been exceptionally close with them.

‘Cuz the silly and stupid things they do intentionally or otherwise can set you off and make you respond in ways that suggest you ought to hang out in lollipop land with the other fools.

Or maybe it is tied into having the most incompetent and insecure president this nation has ever had the misfortune to place in its highest office.

A dope who has no core values that don’t include self-fellating and entitlement.

A conman who has been indulged for 70 years and has come to believe that his hand size corresponds to masculinity.

And because I have great love for him I want to meet him so I can say I hear you’re supposed to be 6’3 and I am only 5’4 but my hands are almost bigger than yours.

Confession, I am not 5’4. I am 5’2 but I am equipped with all the proof I need of my own masculinity as I told Lee Dumbass, my children prove my boys can swim and I can grow a beard in two weeks.

Damn if he didn’t snort and laugh in a way that sounded an awful lot like the heehaw noise donkeys make.

Translation for those who are slow–I said he sounded like an ass which probably isn’t fair…to the ass.

Anyhoo, let’s move back to discussing Dopey Donnie-Nothing who tweeted on September 1 that John Kelly is doing a great job.

That is the kiss of death there, give Kelly a little more time and Donnie Do-Nothing will fire him because he can’t stand to have staff around him that have a different opinion than he does.

Nor can he stand having small hands which is why he always takes time to talk about them in the most inappropriate places.

When you are hanging out in Texas to supposedly lend your support to victims of Harvey you don’t bring up your tiny hands.

You focus on helping to comfort those who lost everything and reassure people that their government is going to help them…unless you are Donald Trump.

As he puts on plastic gloves to serve food at NRG Stadium…President Trump turns to press and says: "My hands are too big!" pic.twitter.com/WIUTLOS4XD

— Pat Ward (@WardDPatrick) September 2, 2017

We Deserve Better Than This

Some people have complained about how many times I have gone after Mr. Thin Skin and his small hands.

They say they are tired of reading it and that he is better than the alternative.

If you haven’t figured out that saying he is better than the alternative is not a endorsement and that it makes you sound foolish allow me to help you.

Only a dope defends Donnie Do-Nothing by saying he is better than the alternative or suggests that his many failures are solely because of the media, Obama or anything other than his tiny hands.

No one made him run for president and no one makes you read this.

We deserve better than this feckless, reckless and entitled bum and it makes me angry to see so many settle.

Why should I accept mediocrity and stupidity in the White House.

Why shouldn’t I demand more.

He works for us, not the other way around.

Instead we get an incompetent buffoon who treats people poorly, is destroying the Secret Service’s ability to protect him and his family and is costing us money all over the place.

Lord Tiny Hands is betwixt and befuddled and we’re the poorer for it.

I Am Trying

I am trying real hard not to let my sense of foreboding and doom about a particular situation me forget Brother Ben’s wise words.

Experience has taught me more than once that sometimes things don’t happen the way you expect they will.

Sometimes the people you trust the most let you down repeatedly and sometimes they make up for it.

Maybe that is called love or maybe it is called stupidity, I don’t know.

I just know I learned a long time ago to pay attention to those I have trouble staying angry with and those I don’t because there are lessons worth learning and living there.

And I know that I have done some amazing things this year without any help from anyone. I have danced in the fire while bombs were thrown at me and gasoline was poured upon my head.

Done it knowing full well that asking for help was useless and worthless because circumstances wouldn’t allow it.

But I also knew that circumstances might change and that I ought to be cognizant of how many bridges I burned.

Still didn’t stop me from burning a bunch, mostly because I am a strong swimmer and I always knew I could swim back across, but I digress.

Sometimes it would be nice to be like Mike and take care of all family business.

https://youtu.be/NelPe_T9Qr8

Life is not like the movies so I suppose I’ll do what I have always done.

Ask the Magic 8 Ball for help and pretend I am one of the Bradys and sing Keep On ‘cuz its catch and you can’t screw up those dance steps.

Oh and join Trump in his national day of prayer with a double request to the powers that be to make that man quit.

We’ll all be better for it but something tells me the support of the Lollipop Land lamesters will push him to stick around a bit longer.

Oh well, maybe he’ll exceed expectations. A man can dream right.