Heartbreak, Gratitude & Reality

I told him asking me to offer my opinion right now would be a bad idea.

“Why?”

“Because there is stuff going on and I am not going to be particularly forgiving, understanding or nice.

“I can deal with that. I want brutal honesty.”

“I don’t think so you really do and if I give it, understand it is colored by my experience and I have gone to war with a number of people about their actions. I am in an I don’t care mood.”

He told me to continue and I said ok.

“She broke your heart and doesn’t have a clue how or why. She didn’t live up to her end and then she dragged you through the mood because she could. I won’t say that makes her a bad person, but I question who she is.

But you should be grateful because she didn’t stick with 20 years of nonsense, she just gave you a stupid reason for why it was over and accused you of being dumb for her poor communication.”

He looked at me, said wow and asked what to do.

“I can’t tell you what to do. I can only tell you people lie to themselves and to others about why they do or do not do things. Fear drives them into arbitrary decisions and sometimes you can get them to face that fear with you and sometimes they can’t.

Doesn’t necessarily mean they are bad people, but if fear motivates you and you misunderstand that to be logic, well things happen.”

He asked me again and I shared this quote.

What Does That Mean?

I told him if that was how he felt about her and if she felt the same way he might get a shot down the road or he might not.

“You might have to give her time to figure out she was an idiot and that she is lying to herself about how she really feels. But understand she may never come around. You have to live your life.”

He told me he wanted a black and white answer and I told him I wouldn’t say more than I thought she had mistreated him.

“She did you wrong. She mislead you and made you think it was forever. But maybe she didn’t, maybe she thought it was and then changed her mind. Or maybe she just couldn’t figure it out. Logic doesn’t apply with them or her.”

He nodded his head and said, “better not say that out loud.”

“Oh please, I already told you what kind of mood I am in. If someone doesn’t like it that is fine with me and if you think they aren’t saying that about us you are not listening.

They are stupid and so are we.”

Heroes Often Fail

We shifted subjects and he asked me about things and I said heroes often fail.

“The thing that keeps me going is I just don’t know how to quit. I only know how to keep pushing because you never really know where that finish line is.”

He nodded his head and I shared more about a particular situation.

“I can’t figure out if I failed but I certainly feel like it.

Feel like no matter how hard I tried or what I did it just wasn’t good enough. World won’t end because of it, but it hurts a bit and no one gives a damn. They are all busy living their lives and frankly I am cool with it. That is just how life is, but there have been moments where I wondered if people would ever notice.”

He told me he was sorry and asked if there was anything he could do.

“Nah, there is nothing and truth is I am grateful that things are as good as they are at this moment. Reality is nothing would make this go away any sooner and it could be worse, so I am grateful.

Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, but some of that is because when I come across some situations I keep problem solving. I work them constantly because that is just how my brain operates.

I need to just take a step back for a while and breathe.”

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