Did You Choose This Life Or Did It Choose You?

Call me superstitious and or call me a fool but I have a pair of lucky shorts.

I bought them a week before a business trip I took to Dallas nine years ago and have had them ever since.

Kept them even though they have a big hole in the rear because they are comfortable and they are special to me.

I think of them as my lucky shorts and they have always been a part of my life in Texas.

lucky-shorts

I know they don’t look like much to you, but I see things there that you don’t and that is enough for me.

We all have our tricks for finding our way through the weeds and rough patches in life and this is one of mine.

You might be different, you might try to choose between a red dress or a blue dress.

I might say they both look good to me.

But the bottom line to me is what gives you that little boost, what makes you feel like you are not living on your own deserted island.

Did You Choose This Life Or Did It Choose You?

I didn’t plan on things going as they have and can tell you in many ways it is not the life I chose to have, it is the one I got.

Some of you might say it sounds negative to phrase things like that and I’d nod my head and say there is an edge in my voice now.

This is not a time to screw with me because my response may be harsh, mostly because of frustration.

Because I am handcuffed and I am not the kind of man who does passive very well.

I much prefer action.

I much prefer dancing in the fire and figuring how to keep the flames from consuming me.

Maybe it is because I have had lots of practice and gotten pretty good at it and maybe it’s because I learned that attitude dictates much of how our lives go.

There may be some significant challenges but there is nothing I can’t figure out given a little time and some breathing room.

So I took out the lucky shorts, slid them over my feet and up past my legs and took two deep breaths.

thinkings

I am still not speaking as freely as I really want to, still not sharing what some would call “my truth.”

Some might call it cowardice or name it something different but I don’t care what others think.

I know things.

I feel some things so strongly I can taste and smell them and that is enough for me.

That is my truth and there may come a time when I shout it from the trees or might share it with one other.

Can’t say for certain nor do I feel the need to limit myself to a particular timeline.

It is hard enough to adhere to the few social constructs I follow.

For now I am comfortable wearing my lucky shorts and staring at the castle walls.

Maybe Comfort Is An Exaggeration

Comfortable might not be the right word because it almost makes it sound like this moment is acceptable.

It is not that, but we all have structures we work within and even if you are willing to push the needle there are some limitations.

You can’t always knock down the walls and ride over the opposition you might encounter.

Sometimes you have to simply live with things.

Sometimes you have to sit with what you are given and hope you are granted an opportunity to change it.

Not because you fear to make waves or upset the apple cart but because the reason you are handcuffed is because of another.

Because they have placed themselves in a box and you can’t help them walk out of it because they have closed their eyes.

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Three years ago today I was halfway back to LA.

It wasn’t an easy trip back but I went because sometimes you have to take the long and winding roads to find your way back.

And now I am back and some things are so much better and some are not.

But it is all part of the journey and if my lucky shorts can help me tap into some of the magic in the moonlight you never know what can happen.

Good things come to those who wait and to those who work or so they say.

This parenting thing isn’t for the faint of heart.

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