Two days before my birthday I received information that confirmed I had reached the proverbial fork in the road and was going to have to make some decisions.
It wasn’t a total surprise especially given many of the things that came before that moment which is probably why some people were surprised that I didn’t laugh, cry or scream.
Wasn’t worth wasting time or energy fighting to change things primarily because all that information made did was make me adjust my timeline.
The Only Real Question
The only real question I had regarding any of it was the impact my choices might have upon my children.
Dear old dad was built to take on whatever comes and always has. You can call that ego, arrogance or whatever you want but that approach is the foundation of what has made me able to dance in the fire when needed.
But it is not the only part or only thing.
Life is filled with wonder and magic but it also comes with haunted forests and scary flying monkeys.
And the problem with being a semi invulnerable superhero is that I can’t always be there to fight off the monsters of the night.
So I have to teach them how to do that for themselves.
In the midst of it all there is this really interesting transition where the kids show me on a regular basis how capable and resourceful they are.
Simultaneously they pierced the parental veil a while back and recognize I am just an average Joe and that sometimes the monsters land a clean shot.
But that is not a bad thing, hell it is better they see what happens after I get knocked down.
I always get back up.
I need them to do the same. I need them to recognize that hokey bit from Rocky 987,883.
You know the one where he says life isn’t about how hard you can hit but about how much you can take and keep moving forward.
I am not a drummer or dancer in the conventional sense. You won’t look to me to teach you how to walk gracefully across the stage or how to Jitterbug.
But there is music playing in my head and that is a song I never stop dancing to.
Got Tusk playing on iTunes while I write, helping me to keep the tempo of my typing. Won’t be long before it moves on to Kashmir and the parade of images I see inside my head moves onto something new.
You may ask if I can provide more details about how to get from there to here or from here to there and I might even answer.
All you have to do is keep walking and remember that sometimes going forward means you zigzag for a while or take three steps backwards.
It is part of what happens when you start walking up the spiral crystal staircase we all have to ascend.
A Few More Words
Told the kids that some big changes are coming just down the road. Said I couldn’t provide much in the way of specifics or details, just that when some of this comes it is going to happen in a hurry.
That is one of the nifty changes about their having grown up a little bit.
They are old enough to understand that life is filled with some ambiguity and discerning enough to recognize nuance in ways they couldn’t when they were younger.
Doesn’t mean they won’t bitch at me about the work that will come when you have to move quickly but let’s be real, some of that comes with teens and preteens.
As long as I know that I am making the best choices I can with the information I have at that time I can live with what happens.
You miss every shot you don’t take.
So I’ll make like Teddy Roosevelt and see where it takes me.