People keep talking about the need to prepare and get organized for what is coming.
“C’mon, Josh, it is about the next chapter of life. What you do now is important and is going to impact everything you do going forward.”
My face gives away how silly some of the comments and remarks are because it has always been about preparing for the next chapter of life.
From our earliest days we were told to study hard because school was going to help us prepare for whatever career we would go into.
As young parents we were told to take certain steps so we could help prepare our children while being reminded to not forget about retirement.
There was always something about preparing for the next chapter. Somewhere along the way I got tired of being told to prepare for what was coming because the lack of focus of what was going on in the present irked me.
“We are living today, got to enjoy some of this life now because later might be different. I can do both.”
Will You Write A Book?
I have a memory of riding in my parents’ station wagon with this song playing. We’re somewhere in Northern California or maybe we’re in between Phoenix and Los Angeles, the location is blurry and it probably doesn’t matter.
My sisters are sleeping and I think my mom might be too. I am looking out the window at a dark skyline and periodically catch my father’s eyes in the rear view mirror looking at us in the back seat.
He smiles and I smile back at him.
Something about the memory reminds me of a trip to Yosemite and the Sierras when I was 15 with family friends and the people my friends and I met while walking around.
The children of today might be surprised by how much freedom we had and how our parents had no idea where we were or what we were doing.
****
Flash forward to a different moment in time and someone asks me if I intend to write a book and how fast I can come up with a story on the fly. I smile and start talking.
****
She had made a point not to hug him in front of her mother because she was afraid she who once said I see that you were busy would see that she had real feelings for the guy.
Since she couldn’t figure out what to do about him that was a complication she didn’t want to deal with so she made a point to put on an act.
She kept a list of things she thought were irritating or problematic about him because distance is easier to keep when you are upset with someone.
But there were moments where she knew if he showed up she wouldn’t say no to him.
Sometimes it felt like that Meatloaf song or maybe Barry was right about Somewhere down the road. But she wouldn’t engage in those discussions, not with him, Steph, Jaime and Ellen, at least not yet.
Mostly because she was so very organized and so very logical with everyone except him. He always threw her for a loop and that was part of why he was so irritating.
It was part of why she had never gone to pick up the letters he left her at Johnny and June’s place.
But there were moments when she wondered what would happen if he really did disappear. Moments where she wondered if maybe creating distance wasn’t such a good thing.
****
They ask how I can pump out so many words in a matter of moments and I shrug my shoulders.
“Ask Picasso how he can paint or Michael Jordan how he could be so good at playing basketball. I am not saying I am on their level but I am acknowledging I have a certain natural talent for some of this.
I don’t have to think real hard about writing, especially brief pieces of fiction. The words jump out at me and all I have to do is put them upon a page.
It is usually best if I don’t think too hard about it because that way I don’t second guess myself.”
You Didn’t Answer The Question
They come back at me about whether I’ll write the book and I smile and ask why not phrase it as “the books.”
It doesn’t have to be only one and the thing about writing is though it might be like giving birth I’ll never be too old to do it.
So the question isn’t whether I’ll lose the physical ability to do so but whether I’ll make an effort and devote the time to doing it.
The answer varies with me because sometimes I am certain that publishing is in my future and sometimes I am less certain.
That next chapter is coming, even if the suggestion of it irritates me but days like today make it a bit more challenging.
The 14 year-old dog woke me again with his coughing. It is heart related and not a good thing.
He is taking medication and will be heading back to the vet for a follow up appointment. Most of the time he seems like he is in good spirits and often acts like nothing is wrong but I hear a clock ticking in my head.
It is a sound that I keep trying to turn off because I can’t walk around worried about when something is going to happen.
The 5 AM wake up isn’t helping so I’ll try to sneak a cat nap in later. In the interim my buddy will spend chunks of the day sleeping near my desk and occasionally open his eyes and listen to whatever story I choose to tell him.
He generally is the best listener and always excited to spend time with me. I do confess having asked him what it feels like to be in the last chapter of life and whether it bothered him.
That led to a tail wag and his licking my hand which I took as being a pretty good thing. Hope I’ll be as excited and optimistic when I get there many years from now too.
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