Johnny said SQ broke his heart at least three times but the the biggest damage wasn’t when she picked David instead of him but when she refused to have a conversation.
One day she was there and then the next she was gone. Could have been a million reasons for it ranging from new job to new boyfriend to new shoes, who knew.
What chapped his hide was not having had the chance to have a real conversation and the lack of it felt disrespectful and mean.
He thought about multiple ways to respond and considered whether to be direct or not made sense. It was his preferred method especially after two decades but you can’t make people do things so he went with if it was meant to be it would find a way.
Always had in the past and if not, he would have to embrace the pain and get used to it until it disappeared.
I thought about wrapping the above lines into When June Picked David but hadn’t gotten around to it yet. So it was easier to throw the words upon the page so they were in one place.
Maybe I’ll go back to it later or maybe I’ll delete it all.
A Time Of Endings & Beginnings
I have heard a bunch of people refer to now as a time of endings and beginnings.
They referred to relationships, the end of marriages and friendships as well as changes in leadership due to elections.
I listened to what they said and appreciated why they said it but I didn’t take some of it as seriously as they do. I have lived too long and seen too much to think that now is any different than any other time.
It doesn’t take any effort to come up with a list of marriages that once were and are over or to list the elections that have come and gone.
Can we argue the upcoming presidential election is more serious than others?
Maybe, but I remember others being touted as the one that would impact whether communism would spread or terrorism would be defeated.
I remember the conversations, some of the commercials and so many other things that were tied to big changes.
So it makes me wonder how we weight things on a scale of importance against what was and what could be.
When I was 19 I told my father that I thought the girl I was dating might end up becoming my wife.
He smiled and told me it was possible but added that who I was then could change in ways I couldn’t imagine and that what was important would be different.
Dad was right and if we were to have that conversation now I’d tell him that some of my priorities have changed and that my focus is a bit different.
It would be very different if he spoke with me tonight after the beat down of a week I have been going through. I’d tell him about some things that have infuriated me and some that have disappointed me.
I’d tell him that I am at a loss about some of it and that I haven’t decided to throw my hands up and salt the earth or just sit back and watch.
That is the problem with when you are forced to stand in the fire and not dance in it. You feel the flames burning every bit of you and work to master yourself.
Work to master your reactions which are made worse because you only got three hours of sleep. But I am made for the storm and don’t know any other way to be other than to just push through.
Will You Hear Me?
A colleague asked me how many times I would be willing to call or email someone and I laughed.
“It depends. We always ask will you hear me and if so, will you listen?
It is a key component of what we do but what people forget is that a lack of a response doesn’t mean you weren’t heard. It doesn’t mean your message wasn’t received.
Sometimes it is just a matter of timing and the attempt to connect has been laying the foundation you need to have the conversation you wish to have.
But not always.”
They said my answer was a long winded way of not giving an answer and I said they could take it that way if they wanted to.
“I go with my gut in most everything and measure it against experience. Most of the time it has worked for me, but not always.”
Epilogue- Recent Posts For Those Who Wish To Catch Up
When June Picked David
Can You Refer Me To A Cardiologist?
When A Divorced Lady Tries To Ignore You
When A Divorced Lady Loves You
The Facebooker Rebbe & The Funny Girl
Maybe I Was Your Hero & Maybe I Still Am
Is It Better To Be Talented Or Lucky?
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