What A Tale My Thoughts Could Tell

This is one of my favorite Gordon Lightfoot songs, if not the favorite. I could pick apart the lyrics and write a dozen stories without much effort.

I’ll grab just one and drop it in for a quick comment or seven.

“When you reach the part where the heartaches come
The hero would be me
But heroes often fail”

I have failed more than once but am privileged to say I have succeeded more than I have failed.

But there are a couple of failures that were so large in my eyes they rocked the foundations I stand upon. Though I planted my feet and raised my fist at the sky it took some life experience to reset things.

And there have been a few moments where those echoes caught me and for a moment the demons of what was made it questionable if they would become the demons of what is.

It takes mental toughness to get by some of those things and to accept there is no other option but to live through these moments, You can’t go around, under or over–just through.

They are part of why I have some hard edges.

****

Cat Stevens catches me with a few songs too, but Father & Son has probably been my top for a while now, though I did love Peace Train.

Reminds me of a guy who accused me of not being the right kind of fan of some artists because I didn’t say I liked their deeper more obscure post the most.

That sticks out in memory a bit because I told I shrugged my shoulders and smiled at him and he said ‘your eyes aren’t smiling.’

Multiple people have told me my eyes twinkle when I smile and several have accused me of never being serious. So pulling the non smiling eyes was a good trick and maybe a variation of the icy glare my father used to render.

I think his eyes probably jumped out more than mine do because they were bright blue but we react differently to the looks our parents give so I might be wrong.

Half Dome Makes Me Ask If I Have Aged

I have wanted to hike Half Dome for years now. I think I was about 8 the first time I saw it in person so I have had this idea for close to five decades.

I know people who have done it and have had conversations about their thoughts about the last section with the cables and the wood slats but until recently I had never questioned my idea.

That is because I read about a father and daughter who went up together but only the father made it down on his own.

His 20 year-old daughter tragically slipped and fell.

That hit me hard, perhaps because I have a 20 year-old daughter and can’t imagine the pain he must of felt seeing this happen in front of him.

I hadn’t planned on doing it with my children and hadn’t any imminent plans to do it so there is no immediate impact.

All that has happened is it has reminded me that falling there could be the kind of trauma you don’t just pull out of. It is a weird thing to recognize that you acknowledge your mortality a little bit.

Especially me because even though my clothes and mirror make it clear I am not 25 I still feel pretty bulletproof.

Even when I do things like move my daughter into her new apartment and realize it is much harder than it used to be I still feel mostly invulnerable.

Some might argue it is silly and point out my blood work needs work and that my cardiologist increased the dose of my statin.

Though I would point out I was on a statin briefly at 27 and no one would have argued a need for a better diet and more exercise.

Hell, the idea that I ought not do something often motivates me into wanting to do it. I like proving people wrong, it is part of why I tore open a steel can more than once.

People said I couldn’t do it and I knew I could so even my own voice in my head makes me stand up. That whisper that suggests some dreams will always remain dreams doesn’t sit so well.

Probably because there may come a day where there is no possibility of making such a thing happen.

Yet the benefit of not being 25 is the decision is focused upon whether I want to do so for me and not because I need to prove anything to others.

That brings us back to quote about heroes failing and the following life experience for me. Whenever I failed I had to proved to myself that I could get back up and succeed.

What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like an old time movie
‘Bout a ghost from a wishing well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
But stories always end