Nothing Is Ever Really Lost, Or Can Be Lost

Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost,
No birth, identity, form—no object of the world.
Nor life, nor force, nor any visible thing;
Appearance must not foil, nor shifted sphere confuse thy brain.
Ample are time and space—ample the fields of Nature.
The body, sluggish, aged, cold—the embers left from earlier fires,
The light in the eye grown dim, shall duly flame again;
The sun now low in the west rises for mornings and for noons continual;
To frozen clods ever the spring’s invisible law returns,
With grass and flowers and summer fruits and corn.
Continuities- Walt Whitman

I think Walt Whitman and I could have been friends. I don’t base that upon anything other than a gut feeling from reading his work.

That is not scientific and perhaps not meaningful because the words a writer places upon a page do not always reflect who they are, only who we think they are.

I have experienced some small version of this based upon conversations I have had with people who tell me who they think I am never hearing my silent “you’re wrong.”

Argue if you will that I or others lack self awareness and you can make the case that they are correct not that any of it matters much.

It’s Just Something I Do

I came across that Whitman quote at the top in a clip of The Notebook earlier today. I was in between meetings and didn’t have enough time to start a new project but too much to just sit so I started scrolling through my phone.

It caught my eye because today is the sixth anniversary of my father’s death so it felt fitting. It is also my daughter’s birthday so some of those words felt applicable to her as well.

I wrote posts about my daughter and my father and now I am feeling a bit spent but am not ready not to write here.

Not sure why I have to but I feel compelled to put a few more words upon the page. Today I was more cognizant of who engaged with those posts and those who didn’t than I normally am.

Can’t tell you why but it felt like those who didn’t engage spoke as loudly as those who did. It made me wonder if I have been ignoring the obvious or if going on other gut feelings has been meaningful.

Moved onto a series of Iron Maiden songs and remembered telling some friends about how the literary, pop culture and historical references in their songs.

Remembered explaining that I hear music and listen the words within. Sometimes there is a real tale and something worth listening to for the lyrics and sometimes there is not.

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Told my daughter that she is going to vote in one of the most important presidential elections we have ever seen.

Said that wasn’t an exaggeration and that if Harris wins we could see a massive improvement in multiple areas and that much of the damage that 45 laid upon us could be repaired.

Told her it could impact the makeup of SCOTUS and potentially the echoes of this moment in time could reach out to her when she is my age.

“I know it sounds a little crazy but 35 years from now maybe we’ll talk about this moment and smile.”

Then I told her not to get too crazy about any of it because so much could happen and we’ll manage no matter what direction things go in.

I didn’t tell that it occurred to me afterwards that if we do speak in 35 years it will mean I will have lived 10 years beyond the age my own father made it to.

The plan has always been to go there and beyond but there are moments where one wonders. Genetics is a hell of a thing and sometimes you pull that joker.

But one never knows because I am not just made from him so there is all sorts of possibility and potential.

Been kind of a strange day, I managed to shake loose a few memories from that day six years ago. Memories of stuff I had forgotten about and so I relived a few moments.

Thought again about that last time with Dad, standing in the room with him waiting for the guy from the mortuary to pick him up.

The conversation we had and the brief moment where I almost stopped the gentleman and the nurse that went to assist him from taking him.

I don’t think it was more than 10 seconds, if that long of me thinking I could pick him up and run. It sounds crazy to me now and it felt a little crazy then too.

But I remember the surge of adrenaline and the knowledge I could throw him over my shoulder and sprint for the door.

And then the moment was gone, they gently asked me to leave, one last goodbye and then I stepped back into life’s canoe and began paddling away