Your Favorite Colonoscopy

It might become one of my favorite posts for a variety of reasons and it is not because of a talisman but because of a couple of memories.

Memories that are appropriate on the verge of Fathers Day because they remind me of a couple of interactions with Dad.

One of them is from when I was 19 and we were at Costco about a week before I was supposed to leave for a summer as a camp counselor.

“If you need anything go ahead and grab it now.”

I took him at his word and picked out a pair of swim trunks, some snacks and a Costco sized box of condoms.”

He looked at me and said I wouldn’t need that many or something to that effect. I told him I might actually need more, “I’ll be there all summer dad and you don’t want any more details. Better not to become a grandpa yet right.”

I can see the look in his eyes as he weighed whether there ought to be a retort, a warning or something else.

“Don’t do anything stupid. You don’t want to find out what this side is like until you are ready.”

Years later I brought it up with him as he was famous for saying if he knew how much fun it was to be a grandfather he would have started there.

“Just think, you could have been in this role a decade earlier and been the young grandpa instead of a really old man.”

Only a few of you know the glare I got for that and how much it is missed.

Your Favorite Colonoscopy

During those last six months when we tried to cram in as many conversations as possible I asked him some questions about his health and when certain things had begun.

On most things he told me he couldn’t remember because they had begun in his fifties or later and didn’t I recognize he was in his seventies.

“You don’t remember most of that stuff unless it is totally life changing. Most of those things were just normal age things or so I thought.”

I looked at him and asked if he really couldn’t remember. “You can’t tell me about your favorite colonoscopy or some other procedure.”

I said it mostly in jest but also acknowledged that post triple bypass there had been a bunch of stuff.

“Take good care of yourself and you’ll think of some of those procedures as a time to get a great nap.”

It occurs to me that in October it will be two years since my last colonoscopy and given the doc said he wanted me back in three years I have something to look forward to in 2024.

Would be nice to have the old man around to ask him about some family health history but that is not happening without a Ouija board or seance.

I am not particularly concerned about it as there is no reason to get excited unless they find something. Got plenty of other stuff to worry about and 12 feet of camera in the rear isn’t one of them.

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The more time that goes by there more I realize that in some ways I was very lucky to have my father around as long as I did as many friends lost theirs earlier.

Have to add that I get irritated sometimes when people complain about having to do something to help their own father because “at eighty something they just aren’t the same.”

Several of them have the good fortune not to be members of this club I am in. I don’t begrudge them their good fortune but given my father died a few months short of 75 it is irksome.

There was no one who was more effective at aggravating me than him. No one could do a better job of getting my goat or pissing me off than him.

We had some legendary battles but those are the smallest part of the memories and there was never a time I doubted his support.

Sometimes I didn’t want it or like the way he did it, but that is part of being the child. Our parents are always going to have done something to aggravate us.

And our own children may call us creepy, embarrassing or annoying. It comes with the territory.

Be Useful

I watched the Arnold Schwarzenegger Netflix documentary while using the elliptical at the gym. It was interesting and I appreciated many of the things he shared.

His stories about his own father aren’t ones that children should have. If a genie offered to magically give me his accomplishments but required that I inherit the experiences and memories that his father gave him I would pass.

Two things jump out at me that he mentioned in relationship to his father. One was that his dad used to tell him to Be Useful and the second was a comment about the value of staying busy and not wallowing in pain.

Those have merit and are things I could hear my own father saying because essentially he did.

If you failed at something and or were upset he wasn’t going to give you a ton of time to feel sorry for yourself.

“Nothing changes just because you are sad or angry any more than it does if you are happy. Life isn’t fair. If you want a change go make it happen.”

It was a good lesson that I took with me and have passed along.