I am clean shaven for the first time in about three years or so though it occurs to me that I have had some sort of facial hair for most of the last 10 years.
Shaved the beard in its entirety and my entire head too because I felt like I needed to make a clean start.
Came a little while after I heard someone say to expect things to go quiet for a little while but that wasn’t the reason I did it.
Been thinking about it on and off for a while because I am tired of restraining a piece of me and this is a symbolic way of cutting the shackles and fetters from my feet and arms.
I have spent a good chunk of every week of the last three months or so not feeling well physically and I think that is stress related.
Most wouldn’t know it because I am good at dealing with chaos and learned to pivot, roll and adapt but I am tired of it. Being able to take a beating isn’t a good reason for taking one.
So when I got some news and confirmation of certain things I took a deep breath, looked inwards and made some decisions.
There comes a time when you need to sit down and have some conversations about circumstances and situations and the best way forward.
You Look Like Dad
The younger Mr. Wilner saw me after I was shorn of hair and said I looked like “Grandpa.”
His grandmother and middle aunt affirmed his view and I laughed. That middle aunt said it was scary how much I resemble him and I knew what she meant because I can see it too, primarily if I wear my glasses.
Not because I need them to see, they are really only for driving at night, but I end up wearing them more frequently so I don’t forget to have them on me.
Anyhoo, within a few weeks enough hair will have grown upon my head again that family will stop thinking there is a strong resemblance.
Doesn’t make much of a difference to me either way, it is not bad to look like him. I have done enough with my life not to feel like I am living in his shadow.
Besides I did this for the fresh start and curiosity about whether shaving would take some years off of me or not.
The flecks of gray in my beard and the side of my head have been growing so I figure the time in which I can play around and test things out is shrinking.
In a semi perfect world this is the kind of stuff that would be the biggest challenge of my life.
In a semi perfect world I could come up with silly headlines like What if Johnny writes a letter or what if Johnny caught a shmata and people would throw millions of dollars at me.
Given that I haven’t found a bag of money on my doorstep or any emails informing me that I have received any deposits it is pretty clear that we haven’t reached that semi perfect world.
Kind of a shame, don’t you think.
****
Been wrestling with technology a little bit. I have multiple Apple products for my personal and professional use and the nature of the Apple ecosystem is that everything shows up everywhere.
Sometimes I don’t want everything to show up everywhere because there is a time at which the convenience of immediate access becomes an inconvenience.
If you use different Apple IDs that negates some of the issues but there are a couple of settings that I must not have adjusted yet because some things are shared in too many places.
Figured out how to fix it in the calendar but need to do a few more to get it tweaked the way I want it to work.
Sometimes I have remind the computer, phone and and iPad that technology is supposed to work for us and not the reverse.
If any one of those devices respond to my words I’ll know that Skynet has taken over and respond appropriately.
Unload Your Heart
Can’t remember who said it to me but I remember when I bought into the value of unloading one’s heart upon the page.
It doesn’t mean you have to put it in public where everyone can see it. You can make it private or limit the audience of readers if you wish.
The important point is to just do it so that you unburden yourself of the weight you carry as best you can.
Been trying to do a little bit of that today because there is stuff coming that is making me a little crazy. Stuff coming that makes me want to charge into the week to come and get after it because the anticipation of waiting is chapping my hide in places I’d rather not be chapped.
The thing that really irks me is I know I will handle and manage it all but it is sitting on my last nerve because it is preventing me from taking care of other stuff.
I prepared for this eventuality several months ago so that if things went a little sideways I would have a cushion to work with and overall that has proven to have been a wise decision.
This week I’ll find out what sort of magician and juggler I am.
*****
Sometimes you ache to the core and keep going not just because there are no other options but because of blind faith that doing so will get you to that other side.
Got this feeling the answers are going to come faster than ever expected.
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