They challenged me to tell them a story on the spot and I asked them if they wanted to hear the tale of the “The Not So Secret Kingdom Of The Wall Banger.”
One looked at me and said that sounded suggestive and blew kisses at me. I rolled my eyes and said the word he was looking for was salacious and there was nothing about headboard banging in this.
He scrunched up his face, cocked his head to the side and asked me to explain.
“Brother, look up salacious in a dictionary and then add defenestrate and insouciant.”
He shook his head and told me he didn’t get paid to look at the dictionary and I told him I have been known to spend time flipping pages and reading the definitions.
“Really?”
“Yeah, I am a fan of language. It is tied into why I can come up with these screwy stories on the fly.”
That led to a different line of questions and a quick conversation about fraternity life, something that was foreign to him.
“You’re focused on the wrong stuff. The biggest part of fraternity life isn’t as an active but as alumni. I have been to weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, divorces and funerals with my brothers. Some of us go back 40 some years, but most are over 30 now.
Some of what we did while in college provided a foundation for friendship but it is what happened after that solidified or broke it.”
Focus On What Is Important
My comment about “brothers” bothered him and I got a mouthful about how fake that sounded to him.
“You need to focus on what is important and the superficial stuff. I don’t get caught up in the literal definition or view every member as my actual brother.”
That has been central to much of what I have been working on professionally and personally–making sure my focus is on the important stuff. Too often we get lost in narishkeit and let it distract from where we should be placing our energy.
Told one of my mentees that I have intentionally given them space to work on things and reminded him that my silence doesn’t mean I don’t care, am uninterested or not available to listen/help.
They asked me if that meant they are supposed to chase me and I repeated their words.
“Am I supposed to chase you. That’s ridiculous. You can text, email or call any time you want. If you want me to be more involved you need to tell me and then share what you need as my mind reading skills aren’t working as well as they used to.
And if you text me I may pick up the phone and call you if I think I provide a more complete answer with less confusion than text.”
Apparently this sounded like I have a bit of an edge but I was told that it is ok if I sound kind of grumpy.
That made me snort because it was kind of funny. I expect certain members of the family might agree with it.
I don’t have time or patience for some of this. If you are important to me I make time and if you are not important I may not pay any attention.
But silence should never be automatically interpreted as lack of interest. It is not hard to get my attention and given a mind that always is working I sometimes get lost in my world.
Circle back to that quote from my buddy Mr. Emerson and you have one of the central truths of my life.
I pay close attention to those I can be open, honest and silly with and those who I can’t. The connection is there or it is not.
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