I can see the hole I poked in the ceiling when I checked to see if I had spotted a shadow or a watermark. Had a second of madness in which I wondered what would happen if I punched the ceiling.
Somewhere someone has a picture of the 21 year-old Josh after he put his arm through a wall. That guy was a mixture of angry and curious.
I remember him and for that one second I could feel him ask if we could still do it and then I shook him off because I don’t need that answer.
He won’t be the guy that has to pay for it be it financial or physically. Truth is I have less fear of the physical component than the damage to my wallet and time.
If it’s a leak in the toilet as I suspect it might not be a huge deal to fix but it will take a few minutes. And if it’s not that, well it could take more than a few.
Truth is that even if it is what I suspect it is not something I do often so even though I know what to do it doesn’t mean I’ll do it well or as fast as someone who does it often.
My time is worth something and it is worth paying for it to be done right.
The Old Man On The East
Almost gave the old man on the east a call to tell him he ought to come visit. We’d make a good team working on it and it doesn’t hurt that he is almost a half foot taller than me and has arms to match.
Forty years ago I briefly passed him in height but that is ancient history but we go back to that first day of kindergarten so we specialize in that kind of thing.
Didn’t call him in large part because just talking about it might have motivated me to start working and 10 PM on a Sunday night when you don’t have all of your supplies is a bad idea.
Add the knowledge this is the kind of project that will make me crazy if I don’t finish it. I won’t be able to rest and if it takes me all night to make it work that is what I will do.
Remember that bit about not having all of the supplies?
That means it is a guarantee that I will either not finish or have to find a place that is open 24 hours. I have a couple of ideas about where to go and none of them are within 25 miles.
If you haven’t guessed yet I am fighting the desire to dig into it.
Why?
I like working with my hands and every time I take out my tools it reminds me of time with Dad. Some of the tools I own are things he gave me so that helps because it is almost like we’re doing it together.
If his grandson didn’t have a 5 AM shift I would pull him aside and talk him through this too.
****
Got a question from a dad blogger I haven’t engaged much with who wanted to know how I keep going if I don’t get comments or engagement.
“Maybe it’s time to give up writing. Maybe I’ll just walk away from it all.”
“Could you do it?”
“I have done it before. Wouldn’t be impossible to see me do it again. I try to let go of what doesn’t serve me, especially if I think it is hurting me.”
Epilogue
Checked an old Gmail account that set up in about 2006 or so but rarely email from and discovered someone has been sending me all sorts of crap.
Call that code for someone doesn’t know their own email address and keeps giving it out. I think it was an honest mistake because I received some notices for pest control, utility and other stuff so I know the name of the guy.
Sent some notes to these companies letting them know they have the wrong address because that was the kind thing to do.
But the political BS I came across, well I wrote back to a bunch of them. Blasted them for pumping out lies, distortions of truth and intentionally trying to set the country on fire.
I don’t expect to get a response but if Johnny hears back he will give it to them again. Give no quarter and no patience for that nonsense.
Ugh, don’t have time for this leak business. Shouldn’t bother me as much as it does, but I admit it chafed my hide a bit.
Guess I’ll sleep on it, a good night of ZZZZZz ought to help.
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