I Know Why You Ignore Me

Someone asked me if I believed in twin flames and or soul mates. They wanted to know if I had ever been mad with love and I smiled.

“I know the kind of love that wrecks you, that changes you, that makes you crazy while simultaneously gives you a belief in meant to be. I have lived it. I know it. I understand it and there is someone I’d look in the eye and say “I know why you ignore me. I know why you refuse to have the heart-to-heart because we see through it all.

We have a lifetime pass into the most intimate places people can meet inside of one and another.

That is why you ignore me and why sometimes create excuses to be angry with me. It is always easier to maintain distance when you are angry, but we never stay like that.”

You can call that a rough start to an idea I have a for a story if you want. Haven’t decided if I want to write it upon the pages of the blog or leave it aligned between my heart and soul.

2,466 Days Later

Three Dog Night is playing Out In The Country while I stare out the window thinking about how it crazy it is to say it’s 2,466 days since my father died.

I don’t know if I would have thought about it had I not renewed my passport today. I had set up an afternoon appointment and was reading a story when I heard someone call out, “Mr. Wilner, please come up.”

It made me look up and silently ask why they were trying to reach my father. Guess I so was lost in what I was doing that for a moment it caught me off guard. It used to irk me a bit because I didn’t feel old enough to be a mister, but that feeling has mostly passed.

One of my fans camped out on an old post in which I told a story about how I slammed into a glass door. It’s also a post in which I recounted pushing Dad to focus on exercise so his recovery would go better.

Didn’t know then that he only had a handful of months left but I sometimes think about that now as I focus on improving my health.

Some years back I wrote about The Relentless Pursuit Of A Life Lived Better but in some ways it took til now for me to really focus on it. We’re, as in the royal ‘we’ are down 25 pounds and thinking about using a tape measure to determine how many inches have come off me.

Averaging almost 10k steps a day and lifting close to what I did when I was in my late twenties. I may not have turned the clock back but I have slowed that fucker down and am making it deal with me.

It is too bad Dad isn’t here, I’d make him keep up and if not keep up I’d make it impossible not to put the effort in.

The Children Of October 7

I watched The Children Of October 7 while I was on the treadmill today. When I finished one of the guys told me it looked like I was crying while I exercised.

Gave him a wry smile and said I probably was and walked away because I needed a moment to process and consider what I had watched. The horror they lived through won’t ever be forgotten.

A couple of the girls talked about the last time they saw their father. They said he pulled his Glock out of the safe, got dressed and walked out the door.

That hit me hard because I could relate to the sentiment. I never want to find out what I would do in the situation. Never want to know if I am right or wrong about it.

My kids told me a while back they are certain I would do anything to protect them and that was enough for me. They aren’t little anymore, won’t be long before my baby turns 21 so they understand I am not immortal or invulnerable.

But I won’t lie and say I wasn’t pleased to hear them express their certainty about such things. It is another thing I never want any of us to be tested in real life upon, but god forbid it happens I hope that certainty remains.

****

The readership here appears to have plummeted and I am not certain how many people are actually reading any of these posts.

That won’t stop me from writing because putting pen to paper or finger to keyboard is as important as breathing is to me.

But I do occasionally wonder if people have gone away because of being exposed to an overwhelming amount of content in general or if I am not interesting.

Again it won’t stop me from doing what I do because this is necessary and important for my mental health. This is where I find clarity when I can’t find it anywhere else.

This is where I have fun and search for ways to improve my communication skills. Age can take many things away but writing doesn’t deteriorate because your body can’t perform as it did in your youth.

Might not be able to run as fast or jump as high as I used to, but this is different. This is a place where I can say maybe the best is yet to come.

A Mix Of Recent & Past Posts

33 Women I’d Sleep With Again & 3 I Won’t
The Screaming Woke Me Up
Once We Were Kings
Welcome To The Digital Graveyard