It was the screaming that woke me up. Took a moment for me to realize that it had been coming from me and another second to recall I had been fighting for my life.
In my dream there were three of them and I knew if I didn’t stop them they would get to my family.
Sheets tangled around my body helped explain how my brain interpreted two of them trying to hold onto me and the rage I felt at being restrained.
I took a few deep breaths reminded myself it was a dream and decided that even though I was drenched in sweat I wasn’t going to get out bed.
It was too early to be awake and I knew if I stood there would be no return to slumber.
Many hours later when I hit the gym I hit the bench next to the kid pressing 405 and pumped out 3 reps at 225.
He looked at me and said if I wanted to go heavier he would spot me. I smiled and shook my head. Even in my prime I never came close to benching 400 nor did I try.
Once I broke 300 I was happy and that was enough…then.
But there was a moment today when I thought about whether I wanted to try for it now. I think I can get there but to what point.
Told myself that if I got back to being able to pump out three sets of 8 reps at 225 that would be pretty damn impressive.
But none of that would guarantee the nightmare wouldn’t show up again.
Hanging With The Boss
Been writing like a fiend again because I hear music and see stories in my head. There are big changes taking place and I feel the presence of spirits and creatures around me.
Whether that is my mind playing tricks on me or heightened intuition is immaterial because when you are running with the moon you don’t stop to ask questions. You just go with it.
Some of the women that have loved me have recognized there is a kingdom inside that not all gain admittance to but not all have asked for entrance. There is an angel with a flaming sword and two wolves that stands guard.
Some who once were given license to wander through the garden and woods have found admission to have been revoked pending further review.
****
Been pushing forward with various thoughts and ideas that are layered in the posts and have smiled when people said there was more contained within than the headline suggested.
I am not for the TLDR crowd. If you can’t spend a moment than a minute might not be enough to catch and capture all lies within. But truth is very few read these missives these days but I can’t say if it is lack of interest, attention span or what.
Unconventional List Of Previous Posts
- 101 Blacklisted Secrets Bloggers Refuse To Share
- 51,983 Things I Didn’t Expect To Happen In My Fifties
- The Echoes Of The Future-Blogging Isn’t Dead
- The Unreliable Fools Of Elonia
An Extended Dirt Nap
A man once told me he hoped I would take an extended dirt nap and I assured him that it would happen one day, but not that day.
I am almost 20 pounds lighter now than I was a few months ago and more weight will fall off of me because I have decided to cut some things from my life.
Cut out some people, some foods and some bad habits and went running towards a new future. That liver biopsy is only part of the motivation, but it is an easy one to hang my hat on.
Most days when I get on the treadmill I turn up the speed to a pace that requires me to hold on to the handles so I don’t fall. A pace I can’t keep up for long but one that begins to get easier because practice makes the process.
Two days ago the guy next to me asked if I was crazy and I shook my head no. “I have a vision that I am running towards.”
The vision is of the future I am working on building. There are new flecks of gray in my beard and upon the sides of my head. Good genes and a decent skincare regimen has kept my face looking youthful, but it is time to bring the body up to speed.
I don’t know how much time I have left but it could be quite a long while and I can’t stomach the idea of not trying to prepare better than I have. I have so many things that I want to do and I can’t let poor health stop me so I need to get ahead of it.
****
I thought I heard someone say ‘kike’ at a grocery store. It is highly likely that isn’t what I heard but not impossible.
Been called that and all sorts of other names online and didn’t get excited about some random person online.
In person is a different story and my response or lack thereof is contingent upon context.
Saw an interview not long ago with a former hostage and heard more stories about October 7. Hard not to think about those who fought for their lives, both the stories we know and those we don’t.
Maybe that is where some of this comes from, maybe not. Almost time to put my head upon the pillow and see what dreams may come.
Could be back in the Valley, walking through Jerusalem or maybe roaming the halls of the castle.
Leave a Reply