In a month my baby will finish her junior year of college and leave me that much closer to taking her off of the payroll.
A decade ago she used to advise me on how to use social media. She took great pleasure in explaining what I ought to know or pay attention to.
So one day I used a pop culture reference from my youth and some colorful language to demonstrate my expertise and understanding.
Ritchie Cunningham, Ralph Malph, Potsie and Fonzie never had to worry whether their Facebooks made them cool or made them nerds and not just because they are television characters.
Because in the days before social media no one could say they unfriended someone on Facebook for being a jerk, dick, asshole or douchebag.
They never had conversations with their children about whether their Instagram profiles should be public or private, who they should block and who they shouldn’t.
“Dad, if people unfriend you it means they hate you.”
I remember asking her if there was a difference when it was done by boys or girls. She scrunched up her face, narrowed her eyes and asked me if that meant they were girls I was just friends with or girls I had dated.
“Well honey I think I figured out I kissed about 987 girls and I got unfriended 987 times.”
She rolled her eyes at me, said it was disgusting to say I had kissed 987 girls.
“What about 15?”
That caught her off guard, so she paused before she told me she hoped I hadn’t kissed that many. “I am not dumb, I know there were probably a couple besides mom.”
I smiled and told I had lived a good life and that I was prepared to beat up any and all boyfriends that might come along in the future.
51,983 Things I Didn’t Expect To Happen In My Fifties
Those of you who enjoyed The Echoes Of The Future-Blogging Isn’t Dead got a brief look at some of the things that 25 year-old version of me never expected to see or hear about.
I thought about it again because a guy at the gym told me he was heartbroken over a woman he thought of as the love of his life.
“I am 63 years-old and I can’t imagine ever loving or being loved like that again. She didn’t die, she just left me.”
I don’t know him well at all but I know about heartbreak and I believe in compassion so I listened and shared a few thoughts.
Later on I pulled out a notebook and looked back at some things I had written long ago.
Neruda, Neruda, Neruda, you understand what it is like to be asked to shower in gasoline and to smile when they flip the cover open on their Zippo because you would do whatever it takes to be noble and worthy of such an honor.”
At least I think he would understand and that we would have the sort of conversation that only a select few could have.
“Pablo, I wonder if I was too intense. I wonder if I am at fault here or if there was something else. Maybe our fire burned too bright and we were nothing more than that comet that shoots across evening sky.”
But there is no answer from Pablo because he is dead and the words that he left behind cannot address any and all matters.
Still I look at his words and I wonder if maybe he left a message for me, something he wrote not knowing who would need it, just that someone would.
“I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.”
• Pablo NerudaAh, yeah, this I get and this I can share but Pablo, is that all you have. Some might not understand, some might hear nothing but sadness, is there no joy.
“I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.” Pablo Neruda, 100 Love SonnetsAh Pablo, this I understand, this I get and maybe a few who have known me would too.
They would feel the heat and intensity of my gaze and know without asking what I wanted and what I crave.
It would be more than just carnal, more than just lust but not obsession.
They would give it freely because both parties understood but that sort of thing comes from a place of deep faith and trust.
A place where you both know that the journey to where you are going is only taken by shedding the walls and false pretenses.
Because without that, well it is likely to be misunderstood and misinterpreted. Hell it might even get you unfriended.
With Age Comes Wisdom
That 25 year-old I once was thought of people in their fifties as being really old. It never occurred to him the same feelings and experiences of dating then could be applied to people in those later decades.
I give him a break because my parents stayed married so I never saw them do any dating and the stories I heard from my friends about their single parents didn’t involve heartbreak.
Or at least we never talked about it that way. They might have talked about how their mom or dad were happy/upset with the new/old boyfriend/girlfriend but we were too self involved to see more.
But now I have had decades of knowing people who got divorced and having heard stories. Now I have heard first hand the stories about the man/woman who made them believe in love again or the one that crushed them.
And I have been part of the conversations about what to do about being in or not being in a relationship when you think you might have several more decades of life.
Add the joy of chaos in the country and the uncertainty it is causing and it is a whole new world indeed. I know a few stories about people who have put divorce on hold while they try to figure out what the hell is going on.
And a few who wonder if they should get divorced sooner than planned because they are thinking about leaving the country.
****
Told the therapist sometimes I wish I was dumber because I wouldn’t try as hard to understand some things.
Said I knew it sounded narcissistic and egocentric but didn’t mean for it to come off like I was patting myself on the back.
The point is I have a very active mind and am interested in many things. I like understanding how things work and how some decisions were made or not made.
Explained how I asked the docs lots of questions and once I better understood certain things it made it far easier to take certain courses of action.
“When I understand the point and purpose it all gets easier.”
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