“We opened doors that can’t be closed and created moments and memories that can’t ever be forgotten. Sure, we can list the reasons why they should and nurse the anger, aches, pains and disappointments that came with it all because that helps us pretend that once was is nothing more than memory.
Yet we find ourselves looking back as often as we look forward. We seek each other out because we won’t let go of the hope that the song that our hearts sing can once again be sung out loud. Some would say different and give in to doubt and distrust.
Others might categorize it not as love but as lust but that is only because they don’t get it. Never got it. Never will.
You have and you did. And if you opened your eyes and your heart the past would meet the present and the future would rejoice. There would be a song of celebration and your knees would be weak and your breath would be short, but your smile would be big and your heart would be full.
We don’t have to refer to us as “we were” because really we still “are” and the only question that remains to be answered is “what.”
There is an empty hand waiting for someone to take it.”
That is part of a work of fiction I put together a decade ago when I was living a different life than the one I am living now.
Back then I was working on climbing out of hell not knowing the powers that be weren’t done with me yet.
They poured gasoline over my head, placed shackles upon my wrists and dared me to keep walking.
I tried to headbutt one of them, launched a few kicks at another and drove my shoulder into the chest of a third.
They kept coming at me and I kept using everything I had to fight back and was prepared to use my teeth to rip and tear chunks of flesh off.
Rage, frustration and sadness fueled my fire and somewhere in the mix little rays of hope helped me keep moving forward.
I kept the sun at my back and kept moving forward knowing the desert couldn’t last forever and it didn’t. I found water, food and shelter.
The experience taught me much and it reminded me of the importance of asking myself if I was comfortable with my accomplishments for the day.
“What if tomorrow never comes? Will you be comfortable with your accomplishments?”
What If Tomorrow Never Comes
In a short time Hamas will release more of our people and we’ll get confirmation if the news we dread is all we have been told it is.
It is hard to wait, hard to wonder, hard to have faith. Hope feels faint and far away but I draw upon the community and my personal experience.
I remind myself I have a perfect record of having beaten every bad day. So while part me says “what if tomorrow never comes” as a way to avoid facing some hard truths the other part says “bring it on.”
Why?
Because I cannot fix what I don’t know is broken. I cannot work on what is hard without knowing more about what has to be faced. Bad news doesn’t get better with age.
*****
My father died a few months before the Tree Of Life Synagogue shooting which took place on October 27, 2018.
It is funny not in a ha ha kind of way to think that October would one day be seen in my head as a rough month for Jews.
Anyway, not long after the synagogue shooting I had a conversation with Art, one of my father’s first cousins.
He was a chunk of years older than Dad and a vet who had landed on a beach on D-Day and fought for our democracy.
Art told me I should expect to have to fight antisemitism my whole life. He told me he wasn’t trying to scare me but that I should expect it because “it never goes away, I might have to fight again too.”
I have thought about that many times since then, especially since 10/7.
It crossed my mind while I watched videos of people tearing down posters of infants and toddlers who were kidnapped by Hamas.
And again when I saw the signs and heard the chants at various protests and encampments.
Some of those moments hurt but they never once broke my spirit. Our community is too strong, our history too powerful and too potent.
I have known my entire life I have to do my part and that what that part is may change, evolve and vary.
Democracy Is Frail-It Must Be Protected
If you have spent any time here you have seen me point out that Elonia is a bad guy as is the felon who is acting like a Russian asset.
More than a few people have tried to come after me because I haven’t bought into the lies and duplicity of their cult leader.
Some have tried to convince me that he is better for members of the tribe than others and I have always shook my head.
It is false and I am not so easily manipulated by promises of fools gold as others are.
He attacks democracy. He attacks the very fabric of the things that bind us as Americans and that is a problem.
Democracy is frail, it must be protected. Democracy has been very good to the Jews of America and we have had a better life here than so many of our ancestors.
But if you rip apart our democracy it is absolutely bad for all Americans and bad for Jews. It is not just bad for Jews here but bad for Jews elsewhere.
America has played a vital role in helping to stabilize the world and destabilization is never good for us, let alone others.
So my role now is to help protect democracy. It is important as an American and a Jew. It is important as a citizen of the world.
*****
There is far more to say but I must rest my eyes and my heart for tomorrow may be a hard day and I need to be ready for it.
I won’t be good to others or myself if I sit here and tap upon the keyboard all night.
But I will share links to past posts before I go because I am building a tapestry of thoughts and I’ll need to weave some of that in later.
- A Story Of Two Souls Who Once Knew Each Other
- When You’re Governed By The Dumb & Dumberest
- Tell My Children I Didn’t Give Up
- About The Postcards I Didn’t Send
- A Reckoning For The Fools Of Elonia
- What If The Fools Of Elonia Live In Chelm
- The One Kiss That Changed Everything…Forever
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