What If The Bells Really Are Ringing?

Got All I Know So Far, It’s Been A While and Hurt playing while I roll across the keyboard searching for the rhythm and flow that will share the story I want to tell.

I thought I heard a voice calling my name and shook my head because that voice hasn’t come looking for me for a long while.

The wall went up, the castle doors were shut and I chose to walk away because I didn’t see an upside on breaking my fists against those walls.

I thought that maybe that was the answer to a question and let anger steer me because anger makes it easy to say goodbye.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and I felt a softening of my heart begin to take place, I felt my position start to evolve and shook my head.

Most of the time it requires no effort to stay angry. Most of the time it requires no focus to maintain it because those who acquire my ire make it easy.

But it doesn’t work for all and so I found myself in a different place and decided I ought to take a moment to consider the who, what, how and why of it.

Sat in the therapist’s chair and spoke about it and came to certain conclusions not just by careful thought but by something else.

I thought I heard the bells again and figured that couldn’t be. Ignored them for a while and asked one more question, “what if the bells really are ringing.”

I Know My Answer

I know my answer and my conclusion. I know what I intend to do and for a moment questioned my sanity.

Questioned it more than once and every time I solved for X I came to the same place and conceded my formula was correct.

Still I made a point to visit the kingdom to see if Jericho had returned to the castle or if the parapets remained empty.

Walked through an empty courtyard and went to the room in which I do my best work and played scribe and king.

Wrote down my thoughts, feelings and ideas upon the scrolls and wondered if it was my best work or my rawest.

Wondered if I should edit and clean. Wondered if I should shut it all down and burn the joint to the ground.

Anger and fear will lead you to silly decisions so I let them pass and decided I would reach out to whatever spirits exist and called upon any guardian angels that may be to lend their strength.

You Know Better

I just looked at that guy in the mirror and yelled at him because he started messing with code after 11 PM. Now he and I aren’t sure if the blogs are operating properly or not. Now we’re not sure about a couple of things and it is a night we can’t stay up to work on thing and confirm.

So we’ll hit the hay and remind ourselves that we know better than to start some projects at this time. And then we’ll shut this down and hope things work as they should.

But this is par for the course for this time of life, nothing is easy but nothing is impossible either. What an interesting time to be alive, those damn bells are ringing.