I walked into the doctor’s office this morning for a yearly check up and noticed I had to be the youngest person in there by at least twenty years.
That doesn’t happen very often any more but today was special because it turns out I was a day early for my appointment.
I am not absent minded but I am distracted by many things at the moment some of which I think are probably connected to The Hero’s Journey but not all.
What I know is I figured out how to time travel, at least for a brief moment and I read hundreds of messages from 2013 and some from 2014.
I don’t know where I got the idea, if it came while writing this post or this one here.
What I know is I walked away with a sense that some of the big questions I tried to get answer earlier were answered, though not all.
And then I made like Johnny and wrote a long apology to June and left it in the kingdom.
Who I Am & Who I Was
That picture is from part of a professional photo shoot from around June 2013. I see that guy and I remember who I was but I also see who I am not anymore.
It was definitely part of the hero’s journey. It was among the happiest times of my life, no questions asked and it connects to one of the saddest.
It is hard to have perspective when you are in the midst of something that is changing your life, especially when you aren’t aware of how dramatic a change is coming about.
The choices and decisions made then altered everything and for a while I couldn’t see things with the kind of clarity I wanted and needed to.
But now, well now I am in the middle of that journey and I have a very different sense of it all. I recognize it is still evolving.
Is It Baked Or Still Cooking?
My friend Johnny and I talked about relationships and the moments in life that move us. He told me about a girl that he never stopped wondering about because they never broke up for traditional reasons.
He said that threw him because he couldn’t say they didn’t like each other or that they stopped loving each other.
“Circumstances got in the way.”
I showed him the picture above of the kitchen in my first apartment in Texas and told him the question reminded me of what it was like when I had to learn how to cook with an electric range.
“I used to ask myself is it baked or is it still cooking?”
He asked me if I always had to come up with some kind of analogy for life situations and I shrugged my shoulders.
I took out the picture of my bedroom and I told him that I still come across things I thought I had lost.
“Every now and then I find stuff that I thought I must have given away but had left packed in a box. You never know what is going to pop up or what sort of twist and turns life will bring.
Let Go Of Your Anger
Some time after my father died my son and I had it out about something. I can’t remember the exact topic, but I remember him yelling at me about how unfair I was at times because “you’re so angry about grandpa dying.”
After we calmed down I remember having a calm discussion about things and trying to explain how hard it can be when you feel like you can’t do anything to help those you care most about.
I told him he had no idea what I had given up on his behalf and what it had cost me and then I said I would do it ten times over if that was required because that is what being a parent requires some times.
Dad and I talked about some of it and I remember him looking at me and telling me to “let go of your anger or it will consume you. Life is short but it is also long. Things work out as they do but that doesn’t mean you have no influence over them.”
That was something else I had forgotten, that conversation. Those hundreds of messages from 2013 and 2014 brought it back to the surface.
It was bittersweet, reading those brought so much back and it got me thinking about so many things.
The gift of the memory of the conversation with dad is invaluable on its own.
If he were here I think he’d laugh and tell me you can’t put an old head on young shoulders. I’d smile and tell him my shoulders aren’t so young anymore, but they aren’t so old either.
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October is a funny month for fathers in some ways. I remember getting word in 2011 about the deaths of the fathers of some dear friends. I think October 11 is probably the date for at least one of them, though I would have to confirm.
Without Your Health
I have seen more doctors within the last year or so than I think I have ever seen in my life or so it feels like.
Not because I am sick but because I am trying to get baselines established for my health and working on doing things that will enable me to enjoy this second half of life on my terms as best I can.
You never know how that will play out because genetics can throw you for a loop but you can try to take steps to to put yourself in the best position possible.
It is critical to take steps to take care of both your mental and physical health which is precisely what I am doing.
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I got tickets for another film that is showing as part of the Dallas Jewish Film festival for this coming Monday. It is called Resistance: The Fought Back.
It sounds very interesting and I thought a bit about it in modern context because of the rampant Jew hate in places.
I am hearing and seeing things that are quite disturbing which is another part of why I find myself pushing myself in the gym.
The idea of not being able to handle myself should I need to is anathema.
I don’t think we have seen the end of ugly and won’t for a while. The shadow war with Iran isn’t over and they are going to keep causing trouble for a while through their proxies and cyber efforts.
So I think we need to be prepared to buckle down for a bit especially when people like Coates write ridiculous books that are lauded as being outstanding even though his analysis is flawed.
The arrogance of his ignorance is being celebrated by people who would never think that someone could perform brain surgery after shadowing a doctor for two weeks, yet here we are.
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So one day when I am sitting on the therapist’s couch and he asks me to tell him a little bit about myself I am going to say it takes a few minutes to recount The Hero’s Journey.
And then we’ll see where it goes because life can be so short and yet so very long.
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