Does This Mean You’re Moving Home?

Someone read something I wrote and asked, Does This Mean You’re Moving Home?

I stared at it for a few minutes and scratched my head because I am not sure where that came from and took a moment to glance at some recent posts to see if I had indicated anything of the sort.

A Trip Through The Shmata Archives
No Monkeys Were Harmed While Writing This
It’s About The Next Chapter Of Life
You Won’t Like My Silence

I didn’t find anything that made me think I had said that anything like that was happening and didn’t feel like digging through more material here or elsewhere to try and figure it out.

Hell I have been on fire about a bunch of things recently and have shared snarky responses to many comments and questions.

Someone asked me what I do for work and I said I am a failed writer for Hallmark greeting cards. They asked me if I could share a sample and I sent them this.

“I don’t know why you seem to be ignoring me now. Maybe it is because you are afraid if you talk to me you’ll be on your back with your legs wrapped around me again or maybe it is something else.

I am not a mind reader.”

They told me they weren’t a woman but they thought it sounded kind of rough for a greeting card.

I told them I knew they weren’t a woman and that I didn’t think bearded ladies were part of the circus anymore. They told me I was rude and I asked if they would say I am annoying too.

When they said yes I said I might be wrong, “you sound like a few women who have told me I am rude and annoying.”

They didn’t respond to that or if they did I didn’t notice which is par for the course lately because I have been living in my own world.

Conversations About Writing

I have been involved in multiple conversations about writing during the past few months and have begun spending more time dissecting how certain stories are constructed.

Because there is a “next chapter of life” coming and I am focused on how I want that to look and what sort of steps I need to take to get myself ready for it

It is part of why I went to the cardiologist and why I’ll be hitting my ophthalmologist this week along with other doctor visits.

Though I have seen how fast life can turn on a dime and know tomorrow could be my last day the most realistic expectation is there could easily be 30 or more years. That is a long time to be around and to not take steps to prepare is criminal.

So I play around with ideas for whether I can set up places to live in a few different states and countries. So I play around with ideas for what kind of things I want to do and what I am good at.

Writing seems to be a natural one and more than a few of you have suggested I become more serious about pushing myself to do more than these short pieces you see here and there.

It is not a horrible idea as most of the time I do enjoy this and there are fewer physical limitations upon this than other things.

In concept I can write for the rest of my life though there are moments where I think about shutting it all down for an extended period of time.

A friend asked what I meant by that and I said I have been blogging for about 20 years now. Sometimes I think about closing every single one of them down and going dark.

It wouldn’t be the first time I stopped writing for an extended period of time though I am not who I was when I stopped before.

But then again I am not who I was 15 years ago either. While I don’t always recognize the person in the mirror overall I recognize enough of myself to be relatively comfortable with some things and relatively confident about the direction I am heading in.

Some of going dark has more to do with asking myself if that would recharge my batteries and if they really need to be recharged.

Sometimes I think I have exhausted myself in some areas and then I discover more reserves.

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When I was about 31.5 I had Lasik done and it has mostly held up. Not unlike many others I am prone to some dry eye situations so I try to be diligent about drinking more water and using drops.

Periodically I go through periods where my eyes are dryer and that impacts my vision a bit. It is during those moments that I sometimes find a need for reading glasses.

I have a pair of glasses with progressive lenses that I rarely wear around the house but tend to take along when I leave. I am not required to wear them to drive but I usually do.

Night driving is more comfortable with them and sometimes I wear them while driving during the day so that I don’t forget to bring them with me if I think I’ll need them later.

When I visit the doc this week I’ll find out if my prescription has changed at all but regardless of outcome I’ll buy myself a new pair.

It is two years since I got my current pair and it feels like time to get a new look.

New Look, New Direction

I was 12.5 when I first got glasses and was terribly unhappy about it. I felt like they got in the way with so many things I wanted to do.

Looking back I snort thinking about those first few years because my prescription was so weak.

Didn’t take too many years for some of that to change and for me to reach a place where I knew I shouldn’t drive without them because that could be bad.

That is part of why I had Lasik done, I never wanted to be in a situation where I couldn’t drive without them.

I didn’t get a new prescription again for glasses until I was 50 so you could say I had two 19 years chunks of time in which I had to wear them and then didn’t have to.

Might be worth mentioning when I had Lasik done the doc said I would likely need reading glasses at 45. That sounded so old and so far away I didn’t care.

As it happened I went a few years past that before anything changed with my eyes. The doc says I have some cataracts growing and that when they are ripe I’ll have to have them removed.

He wasn’t sure if that would be necessary before I was 60 so chances are there won’t be any big developments when I see him this week. But I do wonder if they impact my vision at all now, especially when I walk through the dark.

I see well enough to be comfortable but reading is more difficult in low light than it once was, so who knows.

****

Friends of mine have voiced concern about the future including some fear about what that might look like. I understand what they are saying but I find myself chomping at the bit with some of it.

I am anxious to head into it and to hit the changes head on. I am anxious to move forward, mostly in a good way.

Time to get some new frames for a new look and a new direction.