My furriest child is 14 and and has served as confidant, therapist and business analyst. Last week I walked out the vet’s office with a $300 dollar bill and a handful of drugs along with some guidance on next steps.
Old age, arthritis and vertigo have begun to take a toll upon him so when it was just the two of us I sat him down and told him we were going to have a hard conversation.
“Your doc says we need to get your heart checked out. Can you refer me to a cardiologist? I am going to see mine for a follow up appointment in a couple of weeks but he won’t see you unless you learn to speak English.”
He wagged his tale at me and I asked if I had ever told him that his mom was a real bitch.
“Yeah, I know it is a bad joke, but that is my job. You know that big lug you have heard stories about made it to 14. He weighed 120 pounds, you’re 22 before you head out to take care of your business.
Been 16 years since I last had to consider some of these things. Your brother and sister aren’t ignorant, they see the changes but I have lived this multiple times already. And some of what I am seeing reminds me of those that came before you.
I am not ready for this and maybe you’re not either because there are multiple moments where I see you move and behave like nothing has changed.
Good drugs go a long way huh.”
I Don’t Need The Last Word
There have been times where some have accused me of needing the last word but it is definitely not true now and maybe it never was.
I mentioned that I am not engaging with those who have different political opinions as often as I once did and have mostly held true to that.
But there have been moments where I chose to engage with a comment or two but I haven’t always followed up. I got a message complaining that I was unwilling to have a real dialogue and that my popping in and out was unfair.
They even suggested it was because I was afraid to be proven wrong.
I am not worried whether it is fair or unfair or if people think my choice to disengage is because of fear. They might be disappointed to learn I am confident I am smarter and far better at this than they are.
It is part of why I am not bothered by their accusation of being afraid. My disengagement has more to do with my desire to maintain peace of mind and how I choose to spend my time.
Sometimes I am irked by people who choose to vote against their self interests and who will pick people that hurt my children and those I care about.
Do I need to go hammer them when they choose to stick their fingers in their ears and to pull hoods down upon their heads.
I can tell others they kissed me first and that one kiss would bring lightning from the sky and they fear that. I can tell people the best beaches require saltwater, that Brussels Sprouts are awful and that most people think Pop is a name for their father.
Hell I can offer them a mouthful of ketchup or some other tasty delight and laugh about it because it is silly.
There are no consequences for disagreement with that kind of stuff but voting for people who will take away our rights because we think they will protect others isn’t silly to me.
That has meaning. That has significance. That impacts millions.
So I choose to use that energy upon people who have open minds.
I Can Say Things You Can’t
Every time I hear the Band of Brothers theme I think of my grandparents and how much influence their generation had upon us all.
Several recent conversations reminded me of when I first began working and complained about not being taken seriously.
I had ideas that I thought were important and ought to be listened to but I wasn’t being heard. It aggravated me and so I asked each of my grandfathers and my Dad if they had any suggestions.
It seemed like a really smart idea to me to collect the wisdom of two generations and to see what men who collectively had a 100 years of work experience to share.
I thought about some of those moments because I had another conversation with someone I am mentoring about office life.
“I can say things you can’t say and be taken more seriously because the things I have accomplished. It’s not always fair or right but age can lend some weight. But time in role or company can lend credibility and how you say things impacts you too.
Is it a statement or a question you voice.”
Later that day my son listened to something I said and shook his head. “I don’t know how you come up with or say some of those things.”
I laughed and said “I can say things you can’t…now. But if you wanted to you could.”
He asked if Glen would agree and I said after 50 years of friendship he’d probably say I am capable of saying anything to anyone but I am not sure that I was always like this.
“We grow and evolve over time. Experiences helped forge the man I am, for better or for worse. I have tried to focus on sharpening the good qualities and improving those that are less good.
The dog and his fellows before him have had a role in these things too. They played consigliere and offered their opinion though I am not sure of the value of tail wagging or barking in these matters.
So perhaps I winged it sometimes.”
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