Could suggest you listen to Out In The Country or Crossroads while you read this but it doesn’t matter what I suggest because I have no control of so many things.
Could write a post asking for time to figure out if the magic is all used up or if maybe it still exists but that doesn’t matter either if the words are never read or heard and I get it.
Sometimes the silence is best because it makes it easier to pass through the days and never have conversations that could be very tough and very painful.
It is always possible they won’t be but no one ever knows how some things will play out. I know from experience that kicking the can down the road is just easier.
Got a good look at myself in the mirror and saw the ravages of time and shook my head because it is not how I picture me looking.
But then again I can’t talk about being honest without being honest with and about myself.
Just about eight years since I moved back to Texas and the world is so very different.
How Far Have We Come
Someone told me we are in the middle of mercury retrograde and that because of that all of our emotions are heightened.
That may or may not be true but I know after the past two weeks my internal temperature has moved between simmer and full boil.
Lit a yahrzeit candle for my grandfather tonight and in a couple of days will light another for my father which got me thinking it must be close to David’s yahrzeit too.
Shared a couple of stories about him today which took me back more than 30 years and shook my head because it is 26 years since he died.
Somewhere in the mix it reminded me of a conversation from Friday that I have tried to set aside because I am fired up about it.
Won’t provide specifics other than to say it takes quite a bit to irritate me in this manner and it requires a reckoning.
People need boundaries and structure and in this particular situation someone needs a reminder of what those are.
Part of why I am irked is because there wasn’t a way to cover that and it fees like a failure on my part. I don’t fear failure, it has happened more than once but it doesn’t mean I like it or that I won’t take steps to rectify it.
On a separate but related note that is connected to why I am hear and close to my eighth anniversary or moving here.
Almost picked up the phone to call my dad and tell him his grandson bought another car and to say he was right about a few things but remembered I can’t do that anymore.
Snorted as a I realized what I was starting to do and shrugged my shoulders. Can’t blame my old man for the flecks of gray in my beard or the side of my head either.
But I did smile as I thought about the question of how far have we come. It was something I heard someone ask in passing about world affairs.
So Very Far & Yet Not Very Much At All
I have answered the question multiple times since October 7.
My zaide wouldn’t be surprised by the antisemitism we see today. My father’s first cousin Art fought in D-Day and earned an honorable discharge for his time in the service.
He told me after the Tree of Life shooting that antisemitism never goes away and that he would fight it if he had to and that I should expect to do so too.
Art isn’t the only member of the family to have been in the service or given back in some way. There are plenty who have on both sides of my family.
My generation got lucky because we lived through a lull and didn’t experience much as children, but as Art said it didn’t go away.
The people who tell me they can’t believe about the barbarism on October 7 and who ask how could we have gone backwards haven’t paid attention to world events.
The barbarism has always been there and maybe it always will be. It is part of humankind but it is not exercised by most of us.
We’re capable of terrible things especially when leaders help convince us it is necessary and or just. But we are also capable of tremendous good.
I don’t believe in original sin or that everyone is a sinner. I don’t believe it for a moment but I do believe there is a reason why we need hard men in boots to carry weapons that provide protection.
I do believe sometimes we have to take significant steps to push back against those who use their baser instincts to hurt us.
If you ask me if I believe we’re capable of doing better I’ll nod my head. I’ll say that fear drives bad behavior in many cases and that if we remove that fear it can help remove the threat of some the awful things we have seen.
When people have enough for themselves and their families it helps mitigate some of the problems. A rising tide lifts all ships.
But that doesn’t cover everything and everyone. Nor am I naive enough to believe that everyone will adopt a specific way of thinking. Life doesn’t work that way and it is part of why we need some structure and guidelines to help prevent potential issues.
So we push for the world we want to live in but never lose focus of the world we live in. Both things can be true and can be worked upon.
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