2 AM Is No Time To Say Goodbye

I am told I was yelling in my sleep and thrashing around but I can’t tell you what it was that set me off or why I was bothered.

Took a minute for it to sink that in that my furriest child was sick and needed help. He couldn’t walk and couldn’t quite get himself in a standing position.

I bent close to him and whispered 2 AM is no time to say goodbye and wondered if I could lend him some strength through my hands.

Told him my own body felt broken but we could rally together and was pleased to find out the vet thinks he has a problem with vertigo, which seems to be a repeat of the issue from April.

Got some meds and instructions to take him back in during daylight hours in a few days for a more complete work up.

He seems to be doing better but he is 14 and that hasn’t left the back of my head or the memory of my then 3 year old son blowing air into the bowl of a dead goldfish he called Boo.

Headlines Don’t Always Tell The Story You Think They Will

I snorted yesterday when I put together When Cleveland June Met LA Johnny & Other Stories Part 33 because I knew it was kind of silly and that I was going to take it in a different direction.

Maybe it is because I spent half of last week feeling like someone was holding onto my ankles trying to prevent me from walking or maybe it was something else

Maybe whatever it was is responsible for my thrashing in my sleep because I have felt something in the air. It has been a mix of hope and certainty about some really good things that I can feel coming.

But there has also been this sense that something I don’t want is on its way too and that sense of anticipation aggravates me. It is part of why I have been short with some people and I have seen that hard edge I carry grow harder.

There is a reckoning of some sort coming that is connected to sense of joy and optimism. Call it an idea that everything comes with a cost and you don’t get the sort of good stuff I feel coming without paying for it.

That is not necessarily a bad thing, it is just part of life. You don’t get to be in the kind of physical shape you want to be in without putting in some time to adjust your diet and exercise.

You don’t get to fully enjoy all that life has to offer without putting in some work so you appreciate it.

That is the benefit of having walked through hell, once you pull yourself out you have a much deeper appreciation of what you have earned.

I’ll always remember the album the song below comes from because it came out my senior year of high school and is called The Joshua Tree.

So many of those cuts speak to me as this one does. I appreciate the memories of past and present along with how it sounds the same but different too.

Decided to share one more just because it has another cut from Joshua Tree and I appreciate how it is again the same but a little different from the album.

Reminds me of how we evolve as people but still retain core pieces of who we are and what has made us into those people.

Got to go hang with that furry kid of mine, he knows a few secrets and there is more to share with him. Keeping my fingers crossed we get to chase each other the house a few more times, both of us still have some spring left in our legs, in spite of appearances.