Your New Boyfriend Doesn’t Like Me

When Doug Alex asked if he could pass by me he was surprised when I said no and even more shocked when I responded to his cursing at me.

Can’t tell you if he expected me to hear him but I know he was surprised to find my face inch away from his and I think that is why he apologized.

If you had asked me if I had expected to respond the way I did I might have shrugged because I hadn’t thought about it.

But then again if I think I am dealing with the sort of scumbag who might handcuff someone to the bed maybe it’s not surprising.

I have a gut feeling for moments, people and things that is usually pretty accurate and it hasn’t often proved me wrong.

I take pride in knowing that my children have faith that I would never hesitate to protect them if needed. If I care about people that is what comes with me. Call it my Taurus nature or whatever you want to.
I see more than I speak about and I see the digital footprints as well as actual.

Duality

This past week my daughter turned 20 and we marked six years since my father died. It was nice to hear from so many different people on Facebook about the two moments but it also reminded me about who said nothing.

The silence six years ago jumped out at me because I noticed that some people posted crap on Facebook but said nothing about my father dying.

I can’t quantify it and give you an actual number because I didn’t look that closely.

Had it not been for my having noticed the post someone wrote as I prepared to announce my father’s death I might not have been aware of the silence of some but I saw.

It surprised me because even though I knew our friendship wasn’t what it had once been I expected something because they would extend birthday greetings.

It didn’t make sense to me especially because I had seen them handle the situation in the past so I didn’t think death crippled them. Maybe I was wrong, I don’t know.

I don’t expect to ever find out because I have no need to ask them why they did or didn’t do it.

It is funny to me how many things I notice and ignore and it makes me wonder how many never register with me. I am irked by dedicating free rent in my head to silly things. I am irked when I waste energy on those who don’t deserve it.

The joy of being human is sometimes the sweet is accompanied by the sour.

Some guys they just give up living
And start dying little by little, piece by piece
Some guys come home from work and wash up
And go racin’ in the street
Racing In The Street- Bruce Springsteen

Once when my daughter was 10 she told me I looked like I was going to cry but that she has never seen me do it.

I smiled and told her I was tired and that lots was going on. I picked her up and rubbed a scruffy face against hers.

She laughed and told me she hadn’t forgotten that I hadn’t answered her question.

We talked some more and she told me it was ok to cry in front of her and that I didn’t have to hide. It is hard not to smile thinking back on that, she was a smart girl then.

Probably even smarter now, there is much to be said for life experience. She is old enough to now to hear some of the stories about what was going on then but I wasn’t going to share it when she was 10.

But she has heard that some of why I have a harder edge comes from then as well as the confidence that fighting through the hard moments offers benefits.

Music Break

Father & Son– Cat Stevens

Why Don’t We Get Drunk– Jimmy Buffet

Beer For My Horses– Toby Keith

Tougher Than The Rest– Bruce Springsteen

Kiss Me When You’re Through Willie Nelson

Been playing around with whether I should redo the archives so that it is a list or if I should just leave it as it is.

Had some crazy dreams lately which given all that is going on in the world isn’t that surprising, especially since I have an active imagination.

Makes for some interesting story ideas, let me tell you.

Anyhoo, I spent some time clearing out more crap from the garage and came across a note someone wrote me many years ago and laughed.

Laughed because it was tied into the headline but hell if I can remember all of the details other than I had aggravated someone more by my refusal to care or respond as they wanted.

All I said was “your new boyfriend doesn’t like me” and then I laughed. Wasn’t the reaction they were looking for, but isn’t that life in a nutshell.