I suggested it was best not to engage with me on the topic but when they insisted I said I had questions and asked what kind of a diaper does a convicted felon wear.
I wanted to know if they wore the same on their ear as in their trousers and if they were bothered by his inability to form a coherent thought or answer policy questions.
They said the policies were better and I laughed because when you aren’t required to answer questions it is easy to come up with unadulterated bullshit.
I said when you lead through lies and fearmongering you aren’t much of a leader and that it speaks volumes about the lack of character of your minions.
They said I was offensive and I said I planned on getting rich by selling CFD to everyone.
“What is CFD?”
“It is the latest trend, Convicted Felon Diapers but we’ll do more than just get you to pay to place a sanitary napkin upon your ear. Just you wait and see.”
What To Do When A Monkey Goes Missing
Been thinking about this one on and off for a while and haven’t made a decision though I have my ideas. Got Gone Away by Five Finger Death Punch playing cause there is a bunch of crap floating through my head that I am trying to clear.
The sides of my head are suddenly showing more gray than ever before and so I have moved onto Jungleland because whatever is sitting in the back of my mind is leapfrogging its way around the joint.
There is this idea that if I flip flop between thoughtful, angry and insouciant I’ll be able to grab it in between the paws I call hands and inspect it.
Because if I can get it to sit down for a moment I know understanding will be shared and though it would be better to say it would bring enlightenment I can live with the former and chase the latter.
****
Had to hit Best Buy to grab some accessories for a cell phone and asked the kid who was helping me if he could do more than tell me what I needed was “over there.”
He smiled and pointed again, “sure it is over there.”
I smiled and told him I could walk over there and and empty the shelves looking for what I needed but that wouldn’t be particularly helpful for anyone.
“No, think about how much we’d have to clean up.”
I smiled and said “That is what I like about you, you are always thinking about yourself” and then I went to find what I needed.
Shook my head and muttered “watch the cranky man walk” and I snorted out loud.
My legs aren’t broken, there is no reason I can’t walk but there is also no reason I can’t be told or shown what aisle to focus on. The kid had made a point to approach me and ask if I needed help.
Five minutes later I found what I needed and was told to go to Geek Squad for help. Geek Squad told me to go pay for my purchases and then come back.
So I strolled over to a different counter and the cashier told me they were going on break and that someone would be with me shortly.
I smiled and said I could leave twenty dollars next to the register and some change. They cocked their head to the side like a dog that has heard a noise they find strange and I bared my teeth.
It was kind of an angry grin.
“You know someone at the other register told me to go to Geek Squad and Geek Squad told me to come to you. Strother Martin would say we have a failure to communicate.”
None of that seemed to register, especially the Strother Martin part which wasn’t surprising.
Eventually someone came and took my money and I went back to Geek Squad where a person with three different Pronouns told me the lifetime warranty I paid for wasn’t applicable unless I wanted to pay an additional $10.31.
I said to forget it and they cheerfully reminded me that I had waited for them to go get the item that I was going to be charged for.
“I have it here, it is just $10.31 or I can order the other product.”
I turned to the left and right to see if Alan Funt or some family member of his was filming me and wondered if Three Pronoun Geek Squad person had a name.
“I don’t want to pay for it. I have used the warranty before and never had to pay. There haven’t been any changes, but if you want shares of my new company CFD maybe we can work something out.”
“What is CFD?”
“Convicted Felon Diapers.”
That caused them to purse their lips and suck in a significant amount of air.
“Sorry, I don’t think I can accept that as payment. But if you have a business card you can give it to me and I’ll give it to my manager.”
I said I didn’t have any on me but not to worry because I was going to make CFD great…again and then I walked away.
So Long & See You Later
The beauty of summer, a passport and some cash is the ability to say so long and see you later.
I have seen a few more posts from people who say they are leaving Facebook and some from people who just say they’re leaving.
Sometimes I think it is better to just leave without warning or fanfare. Just take off and do what you are going to do, some will notice and some won’t.
Almost more interesting to say nothing and see who looks for you than to say you are leaving and see who asks you to stay.
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