You’re Much Older Than I Am

I donated to Greg’s Gofundme and tried to remember the last time I spoke with him but wasn’t sure.

Definitely am uncertain about the last time I saw him in person and think that maybe we had some sort of Facebook interaction within the last six months.

In a couple of months it will be eight years since I moved to Texas and those who thought I did so for one specific reason or another have probably realized it was for many things.

Tried to figure out if perhaps that last in person moment took place in between the first time I lived in Texas and when I moved back but I am really not sure.

Like many questions it is something I wonder about but may not get answer to and that is going to have to suffice.

****

Mom sent me back with a few of dad’s shirts, a sport coat and two pairs of slacks that came with suspenders.

My daughter told me she was certain I have never worn suspenders and I laughed and said that I have many times.

“Have you done it since I have been alive?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer that so I said maybe and reminded us both that I am 35 years older than she is so there is a lot of life she wasn’t around for.

Who I Am & Who I Was

Later on she made another crack about whether the women of my past liked suspenders and it occurred to me I didn’t know if they loved, hated or disliked them.

Doesn’t really matter, but it got me thinking about who I was and who I am.

There were women who wanted me to keep a beard and others who wanted me clean shaven. Women who had lots of ideas about how they wanted me to look and women who paid more attention to personality and whether I made them laugh or cry.

I have done both in my time.

Dad told me more than once to remember whatever I did or thought about a woman or women could be something some guy did or thought about my sisters.

I never forgot that but I conveniently put it aside because sometimes it could get in the way. But I did focus on the higher issue of trying to be a good guy in general as best I could.

Always paid attention to how I treat the waiters/waitresses at restaurants and how I treat the staff at hotels as well as how they are treated by those I am with.

I don’t claim to be perfect but if I see you mistreat people I am not afraid to say something and definitely not interested in spending time with you.

Willie Did It Again

I don’t know if Willie wrote this song but I do enjoy his performance and multiple other songs on the album. Ninety something and the man makes you feel something with his music and that is admirable.

That line about “your smell is everywhere” jumps out at me because I have walked into rooms where I could smell my past and maybe my present and future.

I never say anything out loud, but I am certain my face must show a hint of something when that happens.

Smell is so damn powerful.

Dad’s clothes don’t smell like him but if I pull out the bottle of Polo I took from him I can remember his scent. There are other scents that take me back to childhood and moments when I see my daughter’s face when she hugs me and I know my scent took her back too.

She won’t say so now but the time will come when she won’t mind admitting that.

****

During a conversation with one of the guys about Greg he said “you’re much older than I am” and I snorted the because that used to be the case.

The difference isn’t as profound as when they were actives and I was a guy who would show up at our Turkey dinner to hang out with the other alumni.

Seven years was a big deal then and I remember feeling it towards the guys who were seven years older than I am.

Those guys are in their sixties now and some are grandfathers who are retired or about to.

I liked the alumni events because it was good to see the guys and the networking was important. Those guys who were seven years older could open doors and one of them is responsible for the position I am in today.

He got me the interview nine year ago and life changed so I am forever indebted.

I kept that in mind and have tried to pass it along when and where I can.

You’re Much Older Than I Am Part 2

The guys who were much older aren’t old enough to die but some of them have. That sounds peculiar but even those brothers who are a decade older are just barely getting to a place where death isn’t considered young.

And Greg, well hell I am not old enough to die and he was a chunk of years younger than I am.

Heard someone complain about their father dying at 90 and bit my lip even though I wanted to tell them to shut up and be happy.

They got 15 good years I didn’t have but there was no reason to complain to them and even though it irks me a bit it is not enough to say anything.

We get however long we get and if we are smart we use our time wisely. We live and love hard.

We add experiences as often as we can and spend time with those who fill our hearts and if people aren’t smart enough to do that they’ll miss out.

That is just how life is, there are no guarantees and all we can do is ride our pony on the carousel as best we can.

Still have to decide what to do about the other blogs, still have to decide what to do about many things but some decisions have been made.

Some things have until the end of the year and then unless changes are made those threads get cut. Can’t float forever or can you.