I got word today that another one of my fraternity brothers died and have spent the last five or so hours thinking about him and other stuff.
He was younger than I am. We first met when I was the editor of our college newspaper and he was a freshman reporter.
We weren’t particularly close and most of what I know about him comes from our having been Facebook friends and comments from other guys in the house.
It is another reminder about how life turns on a dime and something that reminds me of someone who said they were a 50 something year old orphan.
Can’t say I remember who said it or if it came from a television show or movie. But I do know Greg has a daughter who is probably about 15 now and I am sorry for her loss.
Got the word about him in between sets on the bench press and made a point to push myself a little bit harder for no other reason than because.
Remembered Grandpa Wilner saying he planned on throat punching the angel of death and that made me chuckle.
Reminded myself that some things can’t be put off unless you are willing to risk never knowing and that might be ok because maybe you are and maybe I am.
Or maybe not.
You Look Like Your Father
It is a week now since one of my parents’ friends walked up and told me how much I remind them of my father. They said it is not just my looks but my gestures and expressions.
I am starting to hear that more frequently and I told them how I typically have been told I look like my mother.
Though I am beginning to see how they would say that less and less. Mom doesn’t want to look like a 55 year-old man and that is ok.
Was a little strange to meet some of her friends who didn’t know my father and had no reference point for the two of them but then again not so much.
It is going on six years next month so it is not that surprising anymore. Reminded me a bit of the bar and bat mitzahs for my middle sister’s kids in which some people referred to me as Jennifer’s brother instead of her being referred to as my little sister.
Life happens and we place people and things according to who we we are when we meet them.
Tonight at dinner my daughter said she thought it was interesting that her grandparents had so many long time friends because they grew up during a time when it was much harder to keep in touch.
I started laughing and told her I wasn’t laughing at her because she wasn’t wrong. I didn’t want her to think I was making fun of her at all.
But I told her that you adapt to adopt what is normal during your days.
“We didn’t think twice about letter writing because that was normal and long distance calls were expensive. So if someone was important you didn’t mind writing them.”
We talked about other stuff and what it was like to have two gay uncles. She asked if my folks didn’t talk about them being gay because it wasn’t acceptable then and I said no.
“It wasn’t any more important to your grandparents than whether they had long hair or were exceptionally tall. We didn’t care about their sexuality because it didn’t define them. It wasn’t something we thought about.”
Reminds me a bit of people who think that because my folks were Peace Corps volunteers we must have had this really liberal house.
They didn’t raise us to be liberal or to be conservative. We were supposed to be good people, nothing more.
Asked the kids if they thought I paid particular attentions to labels in raising them and they said no but said it was usually obvious if I liked or disliked someone.
I was glad to hear they said that if I attached a label to someone it was usually that guy is an expletive and didn’t come with anything else because that was what I wanted.
Though they probably have heard me describe some people as Jew hating, antisemitic (yeah it is redundant) blah blah blahs.
But that is related to current times more than anything else and isn’t used as a blanket expression but individual.
Wake me up when it is all over, yeah that resonates today.
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