You Can/not Call Me Johnny

It is the last night of vacation here in LA but I haven’t begun to pack yet because for a moment I need to take a breath and absorb all that has come around.

Not long ago I read about a mom blogger who has brain cancer and how in her late forties she has to prepare for what could be a very quick finish to a life she expected to roll out far longer.

Reminded me of my good friend David who lost that battle when we were 29. I am almost twice as old as we were then and in a very different place than I once was. Passed the exit to his mom’s house a dozen times on this trip and thought about getting a burger at his favorite hamburger joint.

Hugged my mom goodbye and said I love you and drove off expecting good genes to lead more times together but still recognizing that I might have 20 summers left.

What to do with that time and how to do it is obviously on my mind. As some say, “you can/not call me Johnny as things were once upon a time.”

Got called Joshua several times over the past few days and smiled, not many people do that and generally when it happens someone very much wants my attention.

But then again others seem to have no interest, at least at this particular junction in time. So in the year of my double nickel birthday I figure I draw some lines in the sand for myself.

Lines that I draw because I am looking for answers to some questions and because I recognize sometimes no answer is an answer in itself.

You Can’t Control Me

Those four words were growled by me last night in an exchange that was heated but one could say was coming from the right place.

It is not the first time I have uttered them nor will it be the last because I won’t let it happen and it makes some people crazy.

I have gotten pretty good at going along and getting along in many areas but sometimes that is mistaken to mean I will accept all that is given to me.

That is false.

I don’t wear a sweater because others are cold. I wear it because I choose to and if that aggravates people it is ok with me.

It is not an ego thing, it is a Josh thing. It is me. I don’t do well with being controlled, but if you ask me to do things I am often amenable.

In some ways far more amenable than ever before and others quite rigid.

****

The flight out here was an experience. It was cancelled because of whether and then other events made going between security and the gate almost a two hour experience.

Had it not been for TSA Precheck I might have missed the flight, as it was I got there 10 minutes before boarding.

Takeoff ended up being delayed and then we ended up parked on the tarmac in LA for another 40 minutes. A relatively short trip of 1300 miles took way too long.

So tomorrow I hope for a smooth return of the rental car, easy transition through security and a simple flight back. I have had enough adventures for now.

We’ll see if that works out because a nasty storm back in DFW wreaked chaos today. My son who flew back before I did asked if we paid extra for the “traveling shitshow” and I laughed and reminded him he paid for his ticket.

“Maybe you ticked the wrong box.”

You Don’t Like Stupid

One of my brother-in-laws told me he thinks my sister I are similar in some ways.

“You don’t like stupid people.”

I mentioned it to my mother who nodded her head and agreed.
“It was important to me to marry someone who was as smart or smarter than myself.”

I nodded my head. I have told my children that when picking spouses they ought to look for friendship, kindness and intelligence.

“You need someone who is smart enough to help you see the world differently and who can challenge you. It keeps life interesting.”

I got an upgrade at the car rental counter and got a Mercedes SUV for the same price as the VW Jetta they were going to give me.

I don’t expect to ever buy one so I figured it might be interesting to drive.

After I left the cemetery I stopped for gas and was immediately asked by some guy if I could provide gas money. I shook my head no and apologized.

As I drove away I wondered if I was the jerk in the Mercedes who couldn’t help a guy with some gas. Couldn’t tell from looking at him if he was scamming me or perhaps honestly hard up.

I didn’t have enough cash on hand to have helped him much, $10 bucks won’t fill up a tank anymore. But I have wondered if maybe I should have done something more than a knee jerk no.

****

The work phone and computer were left behind so that I could truly unplug but I am beginning to wonder if I’ll have more than 500 emails waiting for me and another 150 texts and voicemails.

The out of office autoreply was enabled for all devices so in concept people should know who to go to in my absence, but there is always someone who needs me anyway.

Keeping my fingers crossed there are no major fires to extinguish upon my return but not too excited about it. After all I don’t have access to any of it so it doesn’t matter.

It will have to wait until I am back or if fortune smiles upon me it will be non existent.