Goodbye 54

I had a meeting in Bonham, Texas this morning which is about 45 miles beyond Allen, Texas. If you don’t near wear I started from or where I had to go afterwards that is not particularly useful information.

That is ok, I am not here to tell you a story about Bonham or why I was there anymore than I am here to tell you the smart Virgo listens to the Taurus.

It is not that I can’t do that or am unwilling to say some people used to accuse me of having my head up my ass have adopted that same cranial-rectum problem.

Nor would I say that refusal to answer or address questions wouldn’t be tolerated if things were reversed because I know of the double standard.

I ignore it because sometimes it is easier to let others think they are the boss even if they aren’t currently the president of the Earl Warren fan club.

Got a few more hours and I’ll officially be 55 and some people say that means there is untapped magic and others say that things change and you have to suck it up and deal.

Me?

Well I don’t care what others say or if they think I am pushy, tenacious or just here to wear people down.

Love me or don’t because life is short and some things will happen regardless of what you say or do and others just won’t.

Rolling Through The Deep

Someone in Dallas ended up on this post and it took me back in time. I remembered things I had forgotten and made a mental note to forget again some of what I remembered.

So now I look a different way and figure I’ll let the chips fall where they may because when you are at the intersection of dreams and reality you soon figure out your control is far more limited than you think it is anyway.

I tapped into something there and I still hear and feel it.

Been exhausted more than a few times recently and wondered if there was something going on besides almost middle age and was relieved to see the blood work didn’t show anything.

That confirmed it is stress and circumstances and it gave me a lift because I was built for the storm and know how to fight through it.

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Took a moment to double check my paternal grandmother’s age when she died and confirmed she was 56. Her father died at 53 when grandma was all of six years old

I haven’t ever really worried much about dying young though my grandmother and great grandfather did make me think about it.

Breast cancer got grandma and though it is not impossible for it to hit men I don’t worry about that. My great-grandfather died in 1922 and no one around can comment what his health was like.

I don’t worry about that either because there are things that have changed in the medical field in the last 100 years.

****

This is the first birthday in a while where I keep saying the number out loud because it sounds old to me. It is bizarre because I don’t feel old.

I have heard people say that for years now and it never made much sense but I get it. Hard to believe it is 20 years since I was 35, let alone 30 since I was 25.

Some people have told me they have been trying to figure out who they are now because so much time has passed since they occupied other spaces and places.

That is something I appreciate.

I look in the mirror and see who I was in my eyes and my smile but there are moments when I wonder what happened to him

And then I center myself and realize I am more him now than I ever was.

Don’t know if that makes sense to anyone else or if anyone cares to find out any more. But it works for me and I’ll keep running somethings down until I make sense of them or get tired of doing so.

Hard to say what will come first, life is short.