Someone from Princeton read a post about worrying about Wolfie from around five years ago and I snort because it reminds me of a half dozen thoughts and ideas.
I go cruising down memory lane thinking about promises made and promises kept and give a wry smile because some relationships can’t be tanked.
You can do things that may impact them but there is an expiration date no matter regardless of your efforts to preserve or to push past.
I think some of that is tied to the post from yesterday and some of the memory fragments floating in the pool.
Perhaps it is time to tell someone to pull their head out of their ass so as to not miss another opportunity or perhaps some things happen regardless of what we choose or choose not to do.
It ties into the knotty feeling I have about free will and things that may or may not be meant to be because every time I come to a conclusion something happens to make me cock my head to the side and wonder.
You know the expression, it is that one a dog gets when it hears a funny noise and it is trying to figure out what to make of it.
Of Labs and Cars
Yesterday I sat in my PCP’s office and talked about the general state of my health and promised a follow up conversation following the work up of my labs.
The wacky weather in Texas has finally hit again and I am seated in a chair wearing a sweatshirt wondering when my blood got thin again because the app says it is only 38.
But it is a damp 38 and I am kind of tired and that always impacts things. Got a mix on YouTube playing Zombie which always reminds me of riding a bus in Jerusalem in ’95 when a rock slammed into the window seat I was sitting in.
It didn’t crack but I remember spinning to my left to search for the person who threw it, half wanting to exit the bus so I could express my personal opinion on their choice of expression.
This time a week ago I sat in an office at a car dealership finalizing details on a new car. The process took longer than I wanted it to and I mulled over walking out and throwing a verbal rock or two their way.
Instead I listed three demands and promised they had less than two minutes to agree or say goodbye.
They agreed as I anticipated they would and everyone walked away feeling like they had gotten a good deal. One week in I have been very happy with the new vehicle and hope it continues this way.
I don’t have expectations that it won’t but it is wacky time in the world and things can spin quickly.
Back in the doc’s office he and I are exchanging information and he is telling me that somethings are unlikely to ever be as good as we want them to be.
“We’re the same age and some things won’t ever feel or act like they did when we were 25. That doesn’t mean that they will be bad or that you’ll live a less satisfying life, you just need realistic expectations.”
Let’s Level Set
We’re seated in the back where there are far fewer people and the noise doesn’t prevent conversation. That is good because my hearing isn’t what it was and it is not because I am not paying attention.
There is a stack of paperwork, a pot of coffee and two full mugs alongside it all. I am waiting for a grilled chicken sandwich and staring at a spot three quarters of the way up the wall while I try to work out a solution to a particular situation.
My companion laughs and says I look like I am going to break something.
“Do I look angry?”
He laughs and says no, “that is the look you get when you have made a decision that you are going to wade in and mess shit up.”
This time I laugh and nod my head. “Can’t let paralysis of analysis prevent progress. Ask for forgiveness and do your best to minimize chaos.”
He laughs and says that I don’t fear chaos and suggests I might even create it.
“I do better with ambiguity than some others do, but I don’t particularly like it. But yeah, I am probably going to break some crap because if I don’t nothing will get done. When people say let’s level set they aren’t always honest about moving things along.
I don’t use those words unless I am ready to take action.”
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