Got Clannad playing in the background while I decompress from another crazy week and will probably move to Crossroads next or so I think.
Probably will grab the Macallan 12 and pour myself a stiffer drink while I listen to music and ponder solutions to the mundane and the profound.
Noticed more flecks of grey poking out of my beard and sideburns and shrugged my shoulders at signs of stress and or age.
Got memories of voices talking about people who can heal each other and echoes from the past and the future that you only get if you look back upon 30 years and consider the present.
Who we were and who we are get caught up in thoughts about who we might be and whether that makes sense or not.
Driving through a parking lot on my way to pick up my son from the front of the store I have to slam on my brakes to avoid a fender bender with a woman driving a car.
It is close enough to be noticeable but a few hours later I write down a note saying the girl in the red dress or was it blue and snort.
Was she a woman or a girl and what color dress was she wearing? Was it even a dress?
Not positive.
Blurry Like The Future
Have to double check the notes but it is officially ten years since certain events took place. The last meal at BJ’s and the last few days in the apartment and the promises I made to myself and to the future.
I appreciate the picture being blurry because you can make out many things but like the future you can’t make out everything with the clarity you wish for.
Reminds me of conversations from then and earlier in which we talked about how some opportunities may never come to be and if they did it would have to be somewhere in the fifties.
That sounded much older back then than I think of it today, no surprise there.
Reminds me a bit of a conversation with my son this week in which he said that sometimes he wonders about some expectations, “I am not 23 yet. I am still learning some of this.”
He doesn’t know how right he is or how wise or how many people far older haven’t figured out so many things he already knows.
I smiled and told him to remember you can’t screw an old head on young shoulders and reminded him it took his old man a chunk of time to figure all sorts of stuff out.
Do You Want To Hear What I have To Say?
I have had words with a few people who didn’t have the patience, courtesy and or common sense to let me finish a thought.
Told them that if they could restrain their tongue from wagging the questions they were asking would be answered and the seven others that were about to follow.
Some of them have learned that I refuse to repeat myself and that if I have to ask more than a couple of times I will refuse to engage.
If you don’t have time nor interest in what I have to say than you ought not ask me to speak. Silence and I are tight and old friends.
Given all of the mishegoss of the world and my feelings on life in general I am further motivated to speak honestly and clearly about things I might not have otherwise mentioned.
There isn’t time to wait, change is happening now.
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