Living With The Choices We Make

When my father was dying and I was flying between Texas and Los Angeles there was a moment where the younger Mr. Wilner and I had it out.

He said something about being tired of dealing with my anger at my father dying and I exploded.

I laid into him with as big a verbal tongue lashing as he has ever received from me and I know the neighbors heard me though no one has ever mentioned it.

It is fair to say my son wasn’t wrong about me being somewhat moody and difficult because I was. We talked it out the next day and have had multiple conversations since then.

I apologized more than once and he has since expressed that having had time to think about it he understands and appreciates it.

My hope is that he doesn’t have to go through it with me but I can’t promise that. Can confirm I will die but can’t say when, or where and or if circumstances will put him in a similar situation.

Old Sonny boy and I had a conversation this week in which he asked me what I wasn’t talking about. I smiled and said he knows what he needs to.

“Dad, you know when you don’t speak your mind we all know that one day you’ll start yelling.”

I smiled again and thanked him for knowing me so well. It is true. If I feel passionately about something and care deeply I can only keep my quiet for so long.

Eventually I have to say something or it turns to poison inside.

Living With The Choices We Make

My email and social media feeds are filled with stories that are tied into the choices people make. Some of them are very important, some mundane and some in between.

One person wrote about their mixed feelings, exhaustion and questioned whether choices they had made had tanked other choices.

I told them not to blame themselves. I said I still believe in love and that this week is a hard time to think about anything and everything, especially the future.

Can’t tell you if it was well received, ignored, disregarded or what and I am ok with that.

There are relationships in which you have ultimate faith in the other person and are confident you can say almost anything and they will not run away.

Those are of paramount importance during moments like now where so many of us are not sleeping well and question the world around us.

Hell, when they said they don’t know what their future holds I snorted because I can’t tell you what mine holds either.

Can’t remember if I wrote about that last night or some other time but I expect I have. I am repeating it not because I am old but because it is relevant.

I am a big fan of Teddy’s advice and believe in it wholeheartedly. Paralysis of analysis kills people.

Take action, adapt and adjust as you go.

That describes how I live my life and have for a long time now.

It is not all based on intuition and gut feeling. Experiences play a big role and I do my best to make informed decisions but I don’t want to be the guy who misses out on opportunity because he took too long to decide to take a swing.

Been there, done that and it is tied to the big regrets of my life.

Reminds me of a couple who argued about who kissed who first. The point wasn’t who did it first but did they enjoy it.

I suppose calling them a couple means they must have. I’d like to be in a position where that kind of discussion was the most important thing going on instead of a time like now.

A time where I can’t go a day without hearing more horror stories about the attacks though I have heard some pretty cool stories of heroism too.

Have to admit some of that is mitigated by recognition that heroic tales arose because of horrific events and that it would be better if there was no need for them.

Still life doesn’t ask us if we are ready or interested for challenges– it throws them at us and demands we respond.

That was part of an earlier conversation with one of my children. There is little to no utility in feeling guilty about most choices we make especially after they are done.

Do the best you can, accept you are going to stumble sometimes and keep going.

That is not a license to act like you have no conscience but it is a reminder that we are human and sometimes need to remember to forgive ourselves.

Some things will come to pass no matter what we do.