Maybe You Ought To Say What You Mean

Someone I only know from the online world took a swing at me today. Not a literal swing, but a swing nonetheless.

I haven’t a clue if they knew what they were doing or if they had a clue that combination of words instantly got my attention and not in a good way.

But I know from their response to my reaction they understand now that I am not always the silly, happy-go-lucky guy they thought I was.

They reached out twice afterwards to get clarity on my position and I ignored them. I haven’t decided if I’ll ever respond because I see no need to repeat myself or tell them they have proven to be too fucking stupid to waste time on.

I don’t suffer fools very well.

I’ll let you decide if that is because I am one or if there is another reason/purpose. Got too much going on elsewhere to focus on that kind of narishkeit.

 

Maybe You Ought To Say What You Mean

The day is thunderstorms, a visit to a different doctor and a very odd moment in which I feel like all of the energy has been sucked out of me.

I limp through the house wearing a sneer glad that no one is around to catch the fire in my eyes and stuff some food in my mouth.

Can’t figure out if I twisted my ankle running or if it is just one of the mystery aches of age. I call my son and leave a voicemail saying to call me.

The kid is big enough I can lean on him and get from the table to the bed. Three minutes pass and I tired of waiting so I wipe the sweat from my head and take a couple of quick steps to the bedroom and launch myself into the air.

“If you can still jump like that you’re probably not dying,” I mutter to myself.

Ninety minutes later I hear my daughter calling my name and I tell her I am in the bedroom.

“Get out of bed abba, you are not that old.”

I roll out of bed and wonder whether I am going crazy. Ankle is sore enough to be noticed, but it doesn’t hurt like before.

****

I replay the visit with the doc in my head and write some notes down. Got to double check with my health insurance provider as I have had two discussions about a coming procedure and the cost.

It wasn’t coded properly so they are trying to charge me far too much for something that is supposed to be covered.

If this isn’t fixed I’ll cancel. I am not going to finance this crap. I’ll figure out how to manage without it.

Turn on the radio and hear “Maybe in another life I could find you there” but it is the cover version and not the one I am accustomed to hearing.

It makes me wonder if I understood it to have a different meaning than it does.

Later on I throw more music on and think about my own personal state of the union and take stock of where things are at.

Got lots to say about some things but have intentionally remained silent.

The man in the mirror poses a question, “maybe you ought to say what you mean.”

“Maybe, but not today. Got to take care of this other stuff first.”

The guy in the mirror nods his head and for the moment the situation is settled, but only for the moment.

Our Last Words

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I didn’t wake up in the morning and the words you found here or upon my other blogs were deemed the last I ever said.

Don’t misunderstand that to mean that I am concerned about whether I’ll open my eyes come morning because I am not concerned.

Maybe it is because today I figured out how long I have been doing battle with that dude the Grim Reaper and figured out I am:

• 49 years
• 593 months
• 2,578 weeks
• 18,050 days
• 433,200 hours
• 25,992,000 minutes
• 1,559,520,000 seconds
• Age in Dog Years: 209.0
• Age in Galapagos Turtle Years: 23.3

Or maybe it is because I know things and I know it is not my time…yet.

Someone hand me my guitar and I’ll sing Fire and Rain.

****

There are some particularly onerous tasks at hand and I can hear the guy down below starting to pull on the chains.

Don’t have to look to know he is testing their strength and trying to figure out if he can break free. He isn’t enraged so he is not relying upon brute strength and maybe that is worse.

Frustration with hurdles he didn’t erect and stupidity not of his own he is pushing me to say “fuck it” and just let go.

If people won’t move then we’ll have to move them. I understand it. Inertia is our biggest adversary and if we let people sit they’ll never come out of their comfort zones.

It is time for shake things and shake them up, but the question is what is the best way for not just the short term but the long.

Without a different approach failure is certain but success doesn’t come just by barking at people or throwing bananas at the monkeys in the tree.

I am trying. That will have to be enough.