The Future Is Not Yours To Give

Another night listening to music and another night thinking about…things.

My perspective on some of them is…skewed and I don’t know if that means I can’t figure out the truth of what is or isn’t.

Don’t know it means that I can’t either. I only know this adult stuff is far more complicated than the kid I used to be imagined it would be.

One of the guys calls and asks me for my opinion about the woman he is seeing now. I laugh and tell him it must feel good to be 50 and know the same questions we asked in high school still exist.

He says it is not funny and I say I am sure she feels confused too.

“So what would you do in my situation?”

“I don’t know brother. I go through cycles of listening to particular artists and let some songs find me.”

He tells me I am not helping and I say I have another quote to share.

What Does That Mean?

I answer his question by saying if he was here I would slap him in the head.

“Why would you do that?”

“Because you’re not asking for advice. You’re asking me to say I agree with the decision you have already made. Be honest with yourself and you’ll be happier.”

He tells me that he doesn’t think it is a good excuse for engaging in violence.

“I don’t need an excuse to slap you in the head. If I wanted to to I would just do it.”

“You realize this is why people hate you.”

“Damn, I thought it was because I am lactose intolerant and I keep eating ice cream.”

****

We banter back and forth some more and he tells me he is scared about starting over.

“If you do it enough times it gets easier. Remember, I am pretty familiar with it. I have moved more times than I care to count in the past five years.

Been through a number of huge changes and am in the midst of another. Embrace it and just ride the wave.”

He says he will and I hang up hoping he follows through.

Change is…hard.

But it is easier when you have some say in it…sometimes.

Understanding

Someone told me I ought to come up with a new shtick and not say I know things.

I think they said it because they don’t want to submit to the truth of my knowledge. That is a much larger and longer conversation that we’ll leave for a different day.

Instead we’ll move onto understanding because that is what plagues me today.

I know many things but lately feel like I lack understanding about quite a few of them. It irks me.

The lack of understanding that is. I hate feeling like I mostly get it but know I am missing a piece of the puzzle that might be the key to everything.

I want to say it is over analysis that creates this but that is only true some of the time. There are others where I know much but not enough and what I am missing feels like the keystone to the arch of understanding.

Damn.

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