The 22-year-old trainer tells me he can’t believe he is almost 23 and I tell him I can’t believe my baby is closer in age to him than I am.
“How old is she?”
“Almost 14, going on 30.”
He smiles but his eyes don’t so I tell him it is not an insult.
“It is not an insult, I am not saying you’re a teenager. It is not you, it’s me. I am pushing 50 and it is hard to reconcile that because in my head I see myself as being 25.”
I watch him exhale and wonder if he knows how many tells he has. I am not a poker player, but maybe I ought to ask him to play a few hands because he is easy to read.
But then again, so am I or so most people tell me. I have a few big secrets that I don’t share but aside from those my eyes and smile will let you know if I like or dislike you.
Sometimes You Have To Step Out
The air conditioning in the house has declared a mutiny and it’s warm enough inside to be noticeable.
I intentionally haven’t purchased a home here in Texas yet so I live with the joy/curse of not being responsible for larger maintenance issues.
The AC in this joint is older than the kid trainer and suffering from the plagues of old age. When it developed a serious illness late yesterday I suspected it would need some more R-22 and maybe require a capacitor.
But the HVAC repairman who knows more than I called those bandages and suggested the owner ought to euthanize this animal and replace it with a new one.
Were I the homeowner I would absolutely do so and make some other changes that would have a positive impact on my cooling/heating bills.
But I am not the guy on the deed so all I am doing here is suggesting how someone else ought to spend their money.
They can try the short term solution and hope the coming heat doesn’t motivate me to run the unit all day and night long.
If past experience is true to form they’ll resolve this long before the heat–let’s hope there are no hiccups with the system afterwards.
Sometimes life throws a knuckle ball or two at you requiring you to do some ducking and weaving while you figure out an appropriate response.
The problem is life doesn’t stop moving while you mull over what you could or should do. It keeps moving and so should you.
Sometimes you have to be willing to step out.
Color outside the lines and don’t be afraid to zig and zag your way up or down the hillside you’re camped out on.
Some people will object and provide you with a list of reasons why you can’t or shouldn’t do a particular thing.
If you choose to listen to whey they oppose your choice(s) make them provide you with a reason that has substance.
All too often they say no because of inertia or because it is outside of their comfort zone. That isn’t enough to automatically make it a bad idea or wrong.
Don’t let the little digs, slings and arrows scare you. Sometimes the anticipation of what might happen is far worse than reality.
We do the best we can to live and love hard never knowing what will happen until we live through the moments that make up a minute.
The very lucky never learn the meaning of some day never comes but most of us figure out a way it applies to us.
For me the lesson came long ago and it is why I learned to step out and take a chance. It is why I learned to make the hard moves and to dance with uncertainty.
That willingness doesn’t mean fear and uncertainty packed their bags and left.
Nah, it just means I learned to manage them–more or less.
There are moments where I make the mistake of looking down and looking back. Sometimes the view is breathtaking and it is impossible not feel a mix of awe, pride and gratitude.
But not always.
Sometimes you see the ledge you stand upon is narrow, fragile and cracked and if you are very lucky that is all you see.
Because there are moments when you make eye contact with the demons of the past and you know you’re not in a place that is defensible.
Doesn’t matter how tough you are or think you are, there are times when you have to push forward with great haste because standing your ground isn’t an option.
You Don’t Have To Understand
A blonde with a couple of tattoos interrupts my conversation with the trainer and asks if he can show her a couple of exercises.
“I wish I could, but I am helping my client now. Ask the guy at the desk.”
He sees me cock my head and tells me she keeps hitting on him.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think she is around your age. Just got divorced and won’t leave me alone.”
“I know some 50 and almost 50-year-old women you’d want to spend time with because they know a few things the younger girls don’t. But I wouldn’t be real gung ho to do it for real. That age difference is pretty severe.”
“Are you saying that because you have to or because you mean it?”
I laugh and tell him he doesn’t have to understand.
“Don’t fool yourself into thinking that a person that doesn’t look like he/she has spent hours in the gym didn’t once look like that or that the experiences they gained aren’t significant.”
Big changes are coming again and I am doing all I can to ride the waves to shore. I have my ideas about how and what will come but only time will tell if I am a fool, prophet or something in between.
In the interim I am thinking about stepping out of my comfort zone yet again to try and build something new…maybe.