Facebook is a funny place that sometimes puts you in positions in which you remember moments you shared with people who once were very important to you.
Sometimes you find yourself in the same groups and sometimes you share friends so you find yourself brushing up against them in ways those of us of a certain age never expected.
It used to be that once you cut the thread you were gone and you didn’t know what was going on with another because the promises you made to each other no longer applied.
There was no point our purpose in staying abreast of such things so you let the past sail over the horizon and focused elsewhere.
Are You Allowed To Change Your Mind
A tragedy brought me into indirect contact with someone who once told me that I was a bad guy for saying I had no interest in romance any longer.
I remember being surprised by the venom in her response and saying we are allowed to change our minds.
Decades later I am sure there have been moments in which others looked at me and wanted to share similar words as I once used, “I am allowed to change my mind.”
The funny thing about it is now those of us who have been married for a while (read that as 20 years plus) seem to have a different take on it than we once did.
Now it is not unusual to hear people say I changed my mind but am not doing anything about it because the kids are too young or the finances are too difficult.
Some of those same people are actively taking steps to make changes regardless of difficulties because the other part of living for a while is seeing what life can do.
Live for a little bit and you see/hear/experience the tale of a life or lives cut short or maybe that is just me.
Maybe I am the only guy that knows people who died of terminal illnesses or was murdered but I doubt it.
It makes me think about what obligations I have and what responsibilities are tied into it all.
Makes me ask what am I doing, who am I doing it with and why?
Makes me stop and consider the promises I have made and those that were made to me.
Where do I belong
I know where I once belonged but am not sure precisely where that means in my new home.
Don’t mistake that to mean I am feeling lost or am in a rush to find a new place to hang my hat because I wouldn’t characterize it as that.
This is long courtship and slow dance where I am intentionally choosing to explore things and places.
A time to go listen to lectures, talk to people and get a sense of if those spaces provide that warm fuzzy feeling that makes you feel like you have found a new home.
Or alternatively find a place that provides the sort of intellectual stimulation that makes you want to keep visiting because you know it is going to be good for you and that you might be good for it.
On a side but related note the increase in antisemitism has me looking around for a place too.
Not because of fear but because part of how we push back is through education, community and group activities.
Because my children need to see that our identity isn’t limited to or by location but goes with us wherever we go.
Understanding the complexity of a simple procedure is an exercise in higher math and one that I would prefer not to engage in.
But my preferences are not the guideline for how the world operates nor are they going to stop certain things from happening so all I can do is wait.
Wait to see what comes from the simplicity so that we can determine if it leads to increased complexity or a reduction to the lowest common denominator.
It is a funny place to be in because it requires enormous patience and people will tell you I have an enormous capacity for such and yet none at all.
And if you were to speak with the right few they would tell you curiosity is the keystone in the arch of it all.
It pushes me to continue waiting in some areas because the gut feeling is that doing so will position me to hear the real and true story about why certain things have taken place.
At the same time curiosity pushes me to let go of the former entirely because it might prevent opportunity for something better.
And thus I find myself in a position I haven’t been in for almost 14 years with a few big distinctions:
1) The support is very different now from then.
2) I know so much more and that is enough to frighten me as well as provide security.
Ain’t life peachy.