50 Uses For A Hairbrush Handle & Other Stories

The man at the sinks in the bathroom gym must have declared himself Master Of The Stalls and surrounding area or at least I am guessing that is why he thought he was entitled to three sinks instead of one.

He must have seen the look on my face in the mirror because he turned around and asked me if I had a problem.

“No, my eyes work just fine.”

“Are you trying to say mine don’t?”

“I am not trying to say anything.”

“So mind your business.”

I probably should have walked away but instead I asked him if paid Trump’s wig maker to take a dump on his head.

He made a crack about my being bald and jealous and I told him it was better than blind and stupid.

“If you were two feet closer I’d knock the shit out of you with this hairbrush.”

“If I was two feet closer I fear it would confirm you just pulled the handle of your ass.”

50 Uses For A Hairbrush Handle & Other Stories

We exchanged a few more pleasantries and he promised to show me the error of my ways if I would only come closer.

“I am not afraid of what you will do if I come closer, I am afraid of what I will do. It has been a very long week and I am done with it and people like you who are dumb, selfish and obtuse.”

For a moment we glared at each 0ther and then I walked away silently kicking myself for getting drawn into something so dumb.

The next time I get involved in something so petty I hope it is in the meat section of the supermarket so that I can grab a salami and beat the other guy with it.

If you are going to be stupid, you ought to go for broke with processed meat.


Now let’s talk about stories about how to use a hairbrush for things other than brushing hair.

You can use it as a microphone, poor man’s sap or a bad hammer.

Ok, I am done with the list, I am sure there are lots of other things you can do with it and that there is an incomplete list somewhere on the Internet.

Hell, there are incomplete lists for everything but it doesn’t mean any of them are useful, entertaining, educational or significant.

Blogging While Angry

I’m blogging while angry with the intent to write away the foul mood caused by a few things.

  1. Stupid people doing stupid things.
  2. The car breaking down two weeks after it was fixed.

The rules of the blog won’t permit me to provide many details about the stupid people doing stupid things.

So we’ll have to describe things in a general sense in which I share frustration with trying to explain simple things to people who are willfully blind and or stupid.

Add to this the irritation of the car succumbing to the same malady it suffered from two weeks ago. You know the one I paid a mechanic $500 to fix.

I had the car towed over and tomorrow morning the shop and I will discuss how long it will take for them to correct their mistake at no cost to me.

The thing is, even if they assume responsibility and begin working on it immediately it won’t solve the problem of needing two cars and only having one.

Even if they fix it within two hours of opening it will have created unnecessary hurdles on a day that I can ill afford to handle them.

So I’ll do my best to manage it all and try to gracefully spring across and over these aforementioned hurdles but I suspect grace will not be a part of it.

There is a better chance of them splintering as my body crashes into and through them and while this is still an effective way to get through it does leave the occasional bruise.

“Ah, good taste! What a dreadful thing! Taste is the enemy of creativeness.”
― Pablo Picasso

Hard Work Pays Off

There is a moment during Comedians In Cars Drinking Coffee in which Seinfeld pushes back a comment someone makes about how lucky he is to do what he is doing.

He asks if luck and natural talent are enough to have put him where he is when does he credit for the thousands of hours of time he put in to practicing his craft, paying his dues and working hard to make his dream into a reality.

I appreciated his irritation because I don’t believe you have the kind of success he has had for as long as he has without working hard.

It doesn’t mean he isn’t talented because clearly he is and I’d say part of that natural talent is how good he is at making himself seem like just another guy.

He feels very familiar and that is invaluable for a guy in his line.

But talent only takes you so far and then you have to put the time into making something of it.

I am constantly testing out styles, formats and feeling for how I write and create. The Facebook videos I have been messing around with are all part of that.

It is working on my craft and trying to figure out what suits me and how to become better at those things.

Now if only I could avoid the stupid people I might have more time to do what I really want to do.

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  1. Kenya G. Johnson February 2, 2018 at 4:45 am

    I’m going to have to tune into the particular episode of Comedians in Cars… I want to “see” Seinfeld’s response.

    Looking forward to see where you land with your craft all in one spot 😉

    • Joshua Wilner February 2, 2018 at 8:08 pm

      It was the Jim Gaffigan episode, but he has sort of touched upon it in many other episodes. Part of what I like about it is the “technical” discussion about comedy and story telling. It seems useful for people like us.

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