I am not the kind of person who requires a ton of friends or needs to be surrounded by other people to be happy.
I am comfortable with myself and in my own skin but we all have moments where things surprise us and last Thanksgiving surprised me.
Not because I spent it alone but because I felt the way I imagine some homeless people must feel. Stuck in the middle of a million people but invisible to all around.
I sat on a folding chair eating a half ass Thanksgiving dinner in front of the television feeling like a I was living out All By Myself.
Had I realized how lousy I was going to feel I might have considered going out but I probably wouldn’t have tried to secure an invitation from any of the people I knew here then.
I didn’t want to get some mercy invite. It was just one night and thus far I have survived every hard night I have ever experienced.
A Better Holiday
This year will be better than last, but I am a little concerned about what it is going to take to get to Wednesday night, let alone Thursday.
It might not be as rough as I anticipate it could be. It might be far better but I won’t know until I get into the week.
I managed to stave off worrying and wondering all weekend long but the anticipation has caught up. The mighty brain feels the presence and weight of it and it is making me extra ornery.
Making me feel a bit like looking for trouble. Making me want to say how disappointing people can be and pushing me to get much more detailed and pointed.
Since there is no upside to doing so I’ll refrain from stirring things up and just let the chips fall where they may and as they will.
Not because I fear conflict but because I don’t need anymore and the relief that comes with fighting is short lived.
Not to mention the need to find other ways to motivate people to change than to make them feel stupid.
Especially during times like now.
Former Governor Sarah Palin says she's never experienced sexual harassment because she has a gun https://t.co/4LDKAr32NR
— Daily Mail US (@DailyMail) November 19, 2017
I don’t expect Sarah Palin to say things that make me nod my head in agreement but this comment still made me wonder.
What comments or actions would she define as sexual harassment and is she saying men wouldn’t say those things for fear of getting shot?
Don’t mistake this for me trying to say men can say anything to women without fear of consequences because that isn’t so.
But there is a part of me that wonders about wolf whistles or comments like “you have great “insert name of body part(s)” and what would happen.
Mostly I wonder why anyone cares what she has to say. She couldn’t serve her term as governor of a state with 12 people in it so what does she have to offer of value.
Hallelujah– Leonard Cohen
Rhiannon– Fleetwood Mac
White Rabbit and Somebody To Love, American Bandstand, 1967– Jefferson Airplane
Not Quite Atlas
Can’t say I have the weight of the world on my shoulders because it is not quite that heavy but there is enough there to be noticeable.
Enough to make that one knot tighten up. Enough to make me think I might have to go see a chiropractor or professional masseuse to work on it.
Can’t say sleep is helping much because the mattress seems to be dying an untimely death or maybe it is just me.
It is a funny thing, this moment in time because it feels like the chains that are tied to each arm are being pulled taut.
Tightly enough that my arms might be ripped out of their respective sockets, but then again no.
Because if I can catch a moment to set my feet and adjust my grip I can do more than maintain this position.
I can yank the people pulling off of their feet and gain ground I had lost long ago.
It is the hope and the dream, one step a time, that is is how we do it.
Sometimes heroes fail and sometimes they fly. I am no hero, but I am a guy who believes in dreams so go figure.