The echoes of Howard Stern’s interview with Robert Plant float through my head as I sit here sipping some of my favorite single malt silently singing along with I Can’t Quit You Baby.
It has been a…week.
My daughter asked me for some details about some family history and her eyes widened as I answered.
“Where the hell was I for all this? Mom, how did you marry into a crazy family.”
I smile and ask her if she thinks that what I just related is…”a lot to digest.”
And now dear daughter you understand better why I do as I do and why I say it is not wise to test your will against mine because I have been dancing in the fire and through the wars.
You’re My Favorite Liar
Time passes at the same slow pace for the things we dislike and hyper speed for what we love as it always has and always will but I still look for ways to change what is and what was.
I throw on John Lee Hooker and listen to the original and think about how Zeppelin adjusted and adapted his work.
Makes me think about how I do some things exactly as my father does and others are similar but with my own particular adjustment inserted.
It makes me smile because it reminds me of how my son does the same and how there are moments where he fights so hard to be his own man.
That was who I was for a long time, until the moment when I realized I no longer had a need to try and establish my own identity because it had already happened.
Now I listen to songs like Homeward Bound and understand the lyrics in ways I never did before.
Reminds me of when I got stuck in a waiting room listening to the Carpenters sing Hurting Each Other and how a wry smile rolled across my face.
I really ought to learn how to play the guitar because I would play this song and others. I ought to include piano on that list next to or maybe above painting and photography.
Because there are things I see that I try to share with others. Images of a past that might have been and a future that never was.
There are moments that I need to capture and express because holding them in is the equivalent of choking and there is a feeling they could change lives if they were shared.
You may wonder if that is the Scotch speaking or if there is a real person saying these things and to that I say look in the mirror and stare at your favorite liar.
They ask why Texas and I say Texas Forever.
“Are you quoting Friday Night Lights?”
“Not exactly, but maybe precisely.”
“That is a contradiction. I don’t understand.”
“Sorry, can’t explain now.”
Truth is I probably won’t explain it to them ever because I don’t share what lies beneath the surface with just anyone.
Readers get a bit more than most, but even then it might not address and answer all questions and that is as it should be.
Most don’t care because they are busy living their lives and I am cool with that. This isn’t reverse psychology, I am not asking people to try and find out who I am.
Those that I want to share with either know I do or are in need of my size 12 boot to their butt so I can wake them up.
But the thing is, if I feel I need to wake someone up I am unlikely to say anything. That is because I want people to read my mind and or to give myself an excuse to tell them I am tired of idiocy.
However since we are talking about it, I will say I have had a connection to Texas for so long it feels like forever.
I always knew this would be a place I would spend time in but forever isn’t something I can use as the duration of my stay.
Too much has happened and too much has been taken for me to say forever so I say for as long as it is.
That is the kind of flexibility I have had to learn to roll with because life demands we learn to adapt and adjust.
If you don’t there is a good chance a moment will come where it beats you down until you submit or adapt.
I am not good at submitting but I am pretty good at adapting and most of that is because I figured out my ability to take a beating isn’t useful in all situations.
Side note: The same person who asked about Texas wanted to know how I can be so damn silly and so damn intense.
Does it really matter?
Not to me, it is who I am.
I got dumped by some people who said they couldn’t accept my beliefs and couldn’t handle my “constant hammering” of the president.
That’s fine with me.
If you can’t accept me I am not going to chase you and beg you to just let me believe as I do.
Friends don’t always have to agree and there are going to be moments where we might look at our friends and wonder WTF they just did because it hurt us.
Happened to me recently, had someone share some information and it made me shake my head because it was a violation but it wasn’t so egregious that I called them to tell them I was angry and disappointed.
Partly because I hoped it was just a stupid misunderstanding and partly because I am jammed up with so much I know I may be more aggressive in my response than necessary.
I tell the kids all the time that presentation makes all the difference so between the possibility of misunderstanding and the likelihood of my trying to bite their head off I stayed silent.
Not to mention I have had several conversations about how sad it is to see how intolerant the country is of differing beliefs.
I might as well try and help by starting with myself.
So I end this wordy wonder here and head up stairs to go play Wolfenstein with my son. Might as well kill some Nazis and see if that helps takes more of the edge off.
Thing is I know as I head up the stairs my mind will look back upon the past 14 years or so and wonder about it and then look forward two or three years and ask what life will look like then.
I’d like to make myself believe that it will all be magical.