I held out both arms and said “take my hand” but the offer wasn’t just ignored it was refused.
“Really? After all this we’re back to this? Ok.”
I said something about it not always being there, turned around and walked away thinking about how hollow the words sounded from both sides.
But instead of trying to analyze what had or hadn’t happened I said “whatever is for me won’t go by me” and walked off into the new world.
It wasn’t time to argue or try to convince any of anything other than to demonstrate when things get tough people will look at me and say “and yet he persists.”
Much Lies Beneath The Surface
Some time ago I had a disagreement with someone about the value of The Sound of Music in the modern world.
In short I think that if film could be used in a similar fashion to newspaper there would be great value in wrapping fish in The Sound of Music or constructing hats out of said material.
Certainly it would make a great liner for a bird cage or do quite well as a tool to help housebreak a dog. Zookeepers would find it to be useful in cleaning up after the rhinos, hippos and elephants and mechanics would be pleased to wipe the grease off of their hands onto their Sound of Music film paper.
Sadly there is no such way to use it and the world is a lesser place. It is Mary Poppins without the pop and I would be happy to have seen the Von Trapps get trapped in a small room without windows than to have been forced to listen to such warbling and yodeling.
My counterpart in this particular discussion suggested I was wrong and said this film will always be among their top five favorites but their math skills are sometimes suspect so I bet it is probably closer to 12 or 17.
Not so long ago I sat in my car doing paperwork while listening to “Free” by the Zac Brown Band feat. Scarlett (Clare Bowen) and just let my mind wander.
Two hours earlier someone had told me I ought not be so quiet and shy and suggested life would be easier if I knew when to stand up for myself.
I nodded my head and told them I would take it under advisement.
“Josh, I hope you are not blowing you off. If you don’t stick up for yourself no one else will.”
“Thank you, I’ll do my best to be my own advocate.”
After the conversation ended I shook my head and wondered how someone could be so clueless about me because no one suggests I am afraid to stick up for myself.
Periodically I hear something about being shy or quiet and even then I tend to shake my head.
If I respond it is usually something about still waters running deep or some variation about much lies beneath the surface.
Not so long ago more than a few would have suggested I talked too much but that happens infrequently now.
So much has happened that I am no longer who I once was and there are long periods of time where I say very little.
Maybe I spent too much time by myself or maybe it was just enough.
Sailing Into The Mystic
That is one of my favorite quotes and it comes from one of my favorite songs. Can’t say if it is in my top 5 or if ranks 12 or 17 but I like it anyway.
I have one of those gypsy souls that is filled with wanderlust and a desire to stay home. There is an ongoing battle between wanting to travel everywhere and to build a place that truly is my castle.
Sometimes people ask me to provide some illumination about where I would go and or what kind of castle I wish to build.
Occasionally I have told them I want to make like Christopher Marlowe writes in The Passionate Shepherd To His Love.
You know the one where he talks about building a bed of roses for him/her basically says they can live anywhere.
Come live with me and be my love,And we will all the pleasures prove,That Valleys, groves, hills, and fields,Woods, or steepy mountain yields.
One day maybe it will be More Than A Feeling or a thought.
And that day will be one where I don’t feel like Odysseus and share the cool song from Cream about Ulysses (Odysseus) and think about how I relate better to this song than I should.
Have the sweet sounds of the sirens tortured my naked ears?
Did I have my men bind me to the mast so that I wouldn’t jump overboard because I was bewitched by the siren’s song?
And maybe, just maybe I dealt with my own Polyphemus and found a way to overcome the massive deficit in strength with a clever move of my own.
Or maybe not.
Maybe I needed something more and that something was enough to help me get by.
Find Your North Star
“Dad, you keep telling me to find my North Star and let it guide me home. What happens when you can’t find your North Star?”
“Mine got blotted out by fog and noise and I flailed around until I found my way home. Sometimes help comes and sometimes it doesn’t. You keep going either way because there is no other choice.”
The guy tells me I shouldn’t argue with him because he knows more than I do about the topic.
I say that is great and tell him I want to learn.
“Show me what I am missing and explain why I am wrong. I don’t want to be the fool who refuses to learn.”
He refuses and tells me he doesn’t have time and repeats the same argument that led us to this point.
“I like FB keyboard warriors who refuse to use substance and just tell me if I was smart enough I would agree with them. I guess I won this debate.”
He tells me I can’t win and then blocks me.
Too bad the person who said I ought to stand up for myself didn’t see this exchange because they would have been excited.
I am not and I wasn’t.
The fastest way to get nowhere is to refuse to engage in a dialogue.
As much as we might not want to speak sometimes we have to.