Don’t Ask Unless You Want To Know

My buddy Jack has received two emails in less than a week from a guy who has an opportunity that is unique and interesting.

Except it is not particularly interesting nor unique to him and he has been busy dealing with important things so he hasn’t responded to any of the messages.

This afternoon got another message requesting a yes/no response and asked me how I thought he should respond.

I’ve reached out previously about accepting articles from our writer community but haven’t received a response. We’d love to work with you and I’m trying to see if there are any opportunities to do that.

So, would you mind taking a second to reply with a yes or a no if you’d be willing to review an article from our creative team?

I told him this guy is a little too pushy for my taste and I would ignore or excoriate him.

“Brother, you can be kind of pushy too. Don’t you think you’re being hard on this guy?”

“Achi, don’t come at me when I am in my Bat Out Of Hell Mood. I am in the midst of a mess that isn’t of my own making and you know how much I hate that. I am a master at getting myself into trouble and don’t want/need any help with it.  So when someone puts me where I don’t want to be I am not inclined to be nice.”

He nodded his head and I said it was better to be quiet because I would be civil and then I said two sets of lyrics fit right now.

Well I know that I’m damned if I never get out,
And maybe I’m damned if I do,

and

I’m gonna hit the highway like a battering ram
On a silver-black phantom bike


Don’t Ask Unless You Want To Know

I almost went with Churchill’s line about if you find yourself in hell you should keep going but with me that is a given.

I may dance in the damn fire but I keep going, not because doing a jig requires forward movement but because some of us require more lurch and lean than grace.

Anyhoo, I like Einstein not just because it is positive but because I try to approach problems that way. If I am going to have to do something about them I might as well see if I can pull a rabbit out of hat.

And let’s face it the Cavs and Cubs won world championships so clearly anything is possible, well almost anything.

Lee Dumbass and his mutton head friend the moon faced Barfield are never going to be considered particularly smart or handsome without copious amounts of drink and or a serious head injury.

Yeah, I am fired up and feeling more than a little feisty.

******

Tonight I reminded family members not to ask me questions they don’t want answers to. Don’t ask if I think something makes you look fact or sound stupid because my default setting is to want to be honest about it.

Don’t ask me how I feel unless you really want to know and don’t get too close when this pinched nerve in my neck is flaring up because it constantly aches and that constant ache makes me extra cranky.

A Bad Date

If I was on a date and I had this sort of GI experience I might want to grab a shmata to cover my head and make a run for it.

Wait, are you telling me that if this happened to you things would do differently:

A woman who threw her poo out of her date’s toilet window because it “would not flush” had to be rescued after she got stuck trying to retrieve it.

The amateur gymnast was on a first date with Bristol student Liam Smith when she “panicked” and threw the faeces out of the window.

It did not land in the garden, but became wedged between two non-opening windows.

After climbing in head first after it, she became wedged.

Mr Smith had to call the fire brigade for help.

My favorite part is that the guy had the balls to start a Gofundme to fix his window.

Do you think next time he’ll take her for some spicy Chicken Vindaloo or tell her he is going to use the money from the GoFundMe to get her a colonic before they see each other again.

Given that I have a dysfunctional digestive system I have some sympathy for her but I have to tell you I never would have reached into the bowl to try and dispose of things.

I just would have told her to stay out of the restroom for her own safety.  Those are words I have spoken before and the few times I did it worked.

“It is ok, I have a brother or you can’t believe what my father does in there” was the response.

See, I have been doing my best to follow Einstein’s advice and find opportunity in crappy situations.

Got to run, travel time comes closer and closer and there is much to do to prepare. Got to figure out how to give someone a boot to the head while figuring out how to save the day.

Time to become the hero and hope I don’t become the goat.

Yalla bye.

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