I am standing on a sawdust covered floor of a pizza place we used to go to when I was a kid listening to the adults tell each other it can’t get any worse.
“Nixon was a crook, Ford was clumsy and Carter is why we lost Vietnam. He is weak.”
Things Change, Suck It Up
People tell me I don’t deal well with change and I ignore them because they are talking to who I used to be and not who I am now.
It once was true, but after having walked through hell covered in gasoline and had so much taken from me it is simply not true anymore.
The last time it was said they didn’t hear me mutter, “I found you twice and I lost you twice. I’ll either find you again or figure something else out.”
Because that is what you do, that is how you bounce back stronger than before.
Some might call it bravado and some might call it sad but that doesn’t matter because the question should be focused internally, “what do you call it.”
I tell the kids that when you can face your biggest critic in the mirror and stare him/her down because you have been through a few things you’ll have gained an invaluable gift.
The news reports that our fearful leader is excoriating his attorney general and berating party members who don’t support him.
Friends and family tell me they fear the consequences of letting this petty tyrant roam the halls of Washington D.C. and I nod my head because I am concerned.
But those memories of the adults from the pizza place and the conversations I heard about Watergate and John Hinckley Jr.’s failed assassination attempt on President Reagan float through my mind.
Two space shuttles lost and 9/11 mix in with the parade of images and I hear myself and others talking about the current debacle.
Do I take Camus’ words as a simple commentary or a warning about a condition that never changes.
Life changed a while back and it changed in two big areas.
It forced me to rethink my positions and beliefs about some things and to take some time to carefully consider how to measure success and progress.
That also led to some ongoing debates with a few different people about what that means and what metrics to use.
Tried using lyrics and music to explain and express some of those things to the few.
I know some things that you don’t
I’ve done things that you won’t
There’s nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home
Walls Don’t Cry
I saw the walls that were erected and when words seemed to no longer be effective I laid siege upon them.
Day in and day out I took their measure against my will as well as my cunning and confirmed that walls don’t cry and they don’t bleed.
But I didn’t give up or give in.
I continued to press and to search for a crack or weakness I hadn’t yet found because I was certain that there must be something.
Certain that it was like any math problem and given the right formula I would find the answer.
But things happened and I woke up one day, exhausted and confused about my purpose.
Things changed and when I realized I was chasing after what the man I had been wanted and wasn’t focused on the dreams of the man I am now, I let go.