If I had the power to make reading these words feel like a Taser some of you wouldn’t find this to be a pleasant experience and you wouldn’t just be able to walk away either.
You’d feel my hand squeezing in a most uncomfortable way and you’d understand that I am not just irritated about some things.
But I don’t have that particular ability and though I am confident there is an App that could be built that would serve that general purpose I don’t think I’ll try to build it.
Not because not doing so would make me the bigger person either because I don’t feel badly for saying I want you to wake the hell up,
But mostly because you don’t deserve that much of my time and energy.
So I’ll say it is nice to know who has your back and who pretends to.
The Heat Of A Million Suns
Somewhere someone on Facebook is typing an update about how they hate someone with the flames/heat/passion of a million suns.
They think is cool because to them it is epic and or amazing which aggravates me because they are part of the crew that has overused those words and diminished their worth.
The endless blue skies look deceptively like a spring day making it easy to forget it is like an oven outside.
The sun’s assault upon the earth won’t end until hours after it has set which makes me wonder if it hasn’t decided the moon is a little brother that needs to be reminded that big brother is never far away.
I grew up in a place where it is common to experience days of 90 plus or more so the heat is an old familiar friend.
But there are moments where it chaps my hide and rubs me raw a bit because when your business requires you spend time outside it is impossible not to work up a healthy sweat.
That is good for a workout but less good when you are trying to convince someone of your expertise.
It is also less good when your budget has been blown by life’s unexpected moments and you discover you need to get a root canal and a crown.
Not to mention that you also must replace the timing belt on a car because even though it is a boatload of dollars it ultimately is less than buying a new vehicle.
So as you save money and save your teeth you try to smile but the damn sweat flows freely into your eyes and while they burn you look through the blur and wonder what it is you see.
Sometimes You Have To Step Out
The Alan Parsons Project fades from Time into Alanis Morrisette’s You Ought To Know and I shake my head.
I ought to know a bunch of things like the next stock that is going to hit it big and the winning lotto numbers.
I ought to know how to solve some previously unsolved math problem just so that I can throw the chalk at the board and tell my old teachers it is proof that if you gave me a chance to things my way I could figure it out.
Thus it has always been and thus it shall always be.
I stand on the outside looking in wondering if I really want to go inside because the solutions always seem to be somewhere else.
Because sometimes you have to step outside of your comfort zone and then eventually your eyes are opened.
“If I died there would be a bunch of people who would truly be upset but for a large group it would be just a blip on their day.
They wouldn’t live or love any harder. They wouldn’t run out to fill all checks on their bucket lists. They’d just say it was tragic and maybe make some pithy remark about life.”
“Josh, that is a pretty negative view. Why would you say that?”
I told him I didn’t think it was negative. Those who truly love and care would be upset but outside of that circle, however big it may be are lots of people who just live their lives
It is recognition the world doesn’t revolve around me and that if I want certain things I have to go out and get them.
I have to make them happen.
It is what I try to do and what I teach my kids.
Wrap Your Arms Around My Neck
They don’t remember going to Disneyland but they know the story about how I threw some relatives out of the car.
Eleven years later we talk about it on the phone.
“Dad, tell me what happened.”
“When I say sometimes you have to plant your feet and hold your ground I mean it.”
“Tell me how that applies to this.”
“Someone needed to understand what lines can’t be crossed.”
“I still don’t follow.”
“You have enough information, let’s move on to something else.”
The conversation moves to the present and I ask him if he remembers my telling him to wrap his arms around my neck.
He says no and I laugh and tell him my back still does.
“If you are lucky you’ll get to carry a 45 pound weight for two or three miles while it squirms in your arms and asks for food.”
“I can still do it. I can still carry you but you won’t want or like that. But remember, I can do it. That is not me trying to be tough, it is me saying it is part of the responsibility. We are all accountable to someone or some people…always.”
“The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.”
― Bertrand Russell
I love that quote, suits me so very well.
Not so long ago the boy who is almost as big as his father talked about being so angry he was shaking.
It was a first for him, but I think he was more surprised to hear that dad has felt that way more than once.
Probably more shocked because I told him it happened a couple of time this year.
“Learn to manage it so that it doesn’t manage you and you’ll save yourself some trouble.”
Back in the present I watch a YouTube clip that a friend says is similar to the Fleetwood Mac concert he went to and wonder if I want to run the AC or not.
It is 85 inside, might be time to grab some bricks and build that indoor sauna.
Uncertainty reigns supreme, but it does make life interesting.