69 Lies Told By Lovers Who Didn’t Lie

I told the gorilla it was time to stop monkeying around but I don’t think he appreciated the bad joke.

For a moment we stared into at each other and I told him to look deep into my eyes and to tell me what he saw.

“I think I broke a tooth, but I am not positive. My tongue rubbed across something that didn’t feel right, but I am not positive. Can’t check it out just yet, got to wait.”

Don’t think he understood me but he didn’t tell he was too busy to talk or ask me how I was doing when he wasn’t really interested so I kept talking.”

“Magilla, I have been through the wars and dealt with the angry monkeys, crazy people and all of the other crap that comes with doing the adult thing. Some days it is not easy, but it is always an adventure.”

Magilla kept staring so I said what the hell and continued on.

I told him I feel like I am on the verge of making some big things happen and said I was scared of other stuff.

“Magilla, it is not easy to admit I am concerned, but it is true. There is no help, just me. I make it happen or I don’t.”

What The Gorilla Taught Me

I was going to tell you about how Magilla wrapped a hand around the rope and told me to hang on but he didn’t do any such thing.

Would have made a nice story and been kind of cool to say I found the first talking gorilla in creation.

You might ask me what I would have done had he spoken to which I would replied, “asked him why the hell he hadn’t asked for his freedom.

Or maybe I would have asked if he felt trapped or stifled by being trapped in the zoo.

Granted he might have turned the question back upon me and asked how it feels to be a part of the rat race and to have to worry about all of the adult crap we have to worry about.

He might have said it is nice to not to to have worry about having to worry about how to pay your rent/mortgage, medical insurance or food.

Can’t say there haven’t been moments where I wondered what that might be like, but then again I can’t imagine being trapped at the zoo.

That would get old for me real quick.

Pressure Creates Diamonds

There are 1,969 quotes about how pressure creates diamonds, each one of them designed to make us look at the pressure we are under as being a good thing.

I appreciate that and am prepared to say I ought to be a 48 carat diamond, the kind a diamond broker wishes he/she owned because it is invaluable.

Call that a euphemism for saying I am under a significant amount of pressure now if you want or just accept that I just came out and said it.

Accept that I am venting here because it is part of how I keep my sanity from being shredded.

And accept that sometimes I like using really goofy headlines because they sound ridiculous and I am curious if they’ll pull people in.

Girls and Photo Booths

I saw a picture my daughter took with friends in a photo booth and noticed they made kissing faces.

It is not the first time I have seen them do it, nor are they the only girls I have seen do that either.

Fact is, I have seen a number of women use the photo booth for making kissing faces and begun to wonder what compels them to do this.

It is a non scientific based question that is based solely upon empirical evidence so it is possible there is no validity to saying that all or even most women make this face in a photo booth.

Simply put, it could be just my experience and not be representative.

That leads me to  share with you that I was unfriended by someone who said Obamacare is awful.

She was very unhappy with my criticism of Trump and was especially irritated when I told her I needed more than her personal experience to be convinced that it is terrible.

Maybe it is, but one person’s experience simply isn’t enough for me to make that determination.

I can’t stand Brussels Sprouts but I can’t say that everyone hates them because clearly they are sold all over and are part of the menus of many restaurants.

That proves there is no accounting for taste as does the number of people who think cats are good pets.

It is possible my allergy has impacted my perception of them, but if I want to be ignored I don’t need to get a cat.

Someone tell old Ben Franklin I do my best not to anticipate trouble but hanging out with cats guarantees I will have a sneezing fit.

Not much fun in that, is there.

Teenagers

My son told me he doesn’t always answer his phone because sometimes he doesn’t feel like talking and then explained he doesn’t always feel like responding to texts.

I calmly used colorful language to explain why that is not a smart choice to make and offered to illustrate it by shaving his head.

He suggested I wanted to do so because I am jealous of his hair and I laughed.

I kind of like not having any hair, saves a lot of time and I never worry about riding in convertibles, or wearing a hat.

“Dad, there is no logic in shaving my head. What lesson am I supposed to learn from that?”

“That sometimes people do things that don’t make any sense and to pick up the damn phone when I call.”

“I probably shouldn’t tell you that is still ridiculous.”

“Nope, not if you don’t want to be called Cue Ball.”

Guess who started picking up the phone again. 🙂

He knows I wouldn’t really have done it, but he understands it illustrated my frustration. Got way too much going on to have to worry about that nonsense.

Gah, if he knew how often he does/says things that remind me of stuff I did when I was his age…

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