I am going to a Seder of One this year, feeling a mix of lonely and confidence.
Doesn’t seem real to do things so very differently this year and to not have a seder with the family.
Feels even more off ‘cuz I am packing my bag for a business trip and trying to remind myself that it is ok ‘cuz this one is really important.
Could be the kind of thing that makes a lasting impact that I’ll feel for years and that makes me feel a bit crazed because I don’t want to make it into something it is not.
Yet when I look at it from every angle I can think of I see it as being of huge importance and so I go off into the wild blue yonder nervous as hell but doing my best to hide it.
So I sit here at the computer, staring at the overnight bag in the middle of my floor thinking about the bigger bag in the closet, deciding not to limit myself I make a note to go and grab it.
Go The Distance
Haven’t slept very well for a few days and wonder if I’ll be tired enough to get some good sleep on the road.
Somewhere in the back of my head I hear that Irishman sing about wanting to rock someone’s gypsy soul and smile because I can hear that fog horn blowing.
Something about the music reminds me about how distant some people feel and I wonder if it bothers them or if they even notice.
And then I hear a voice that says go the distance and try to decide if I am so tired I am hearing things of if maybe it is just another singer singing their song in the background that I hear.
Serendipity has come or is coming. It feels funny to write the word and even funnier because I am saying it out loud and no one is here.
Yet something about the moment makes it feel like the right word and makes me wish I could show you what I see inside my mind.
There is a picture I wish I would paint of place where the luminescence of the trees and the mellifluous sound of water flowing over rocks takes you to a secret world where you understand now is all we get.
Maybe that is tied into why I like the music below so very much, I don’t know.
What I am certain of is there is a new story percolating around inside my head and it is trying to get out.
That is a big part of why I hit iTunes and spent some time buying new music.
- Last Thing I Needed First Thing This Morning– Willie Nelson
- Evermore– (Beauty & The Beast) Dan Stevens
- My Favorite Hurricane– Nashville
- Nessun Dorma– Pavarotti
That’s a snapshot of some of what I got, but not all.
Heck, there is a bunch of hard rock and metal that I grabbed as well, but I don’t have time nor inclination to link to everything.
This is really just an excuse not to pack, but I’ll stop procrastinating soon and get that task done because the seder of one needs to start sooner than later.
The rain is falling and I am debating whether to check the weather report for tomorrow as I truly have no idea if these April showers will be enough to delay my flight.
I probably won’t bother to do so until the morning because I’ll sleep better if I don’t spend the night thinking about such things.
Really all this is just a distraction from thinking about sitting with the kids talking about Pesach today and Pesach past.
Can’t help but think of my great-grandmother telling my middle sister and I she was getting shikkered off of grape juice and how that made us laugh.
Since I am traveling I didn’t make any traditional holiday food because I figured I would do it when I get back.
But I do wish I had some Apple Matzah Kugel and Matza ball soup to eat tonight, not to mention some brisket and gefilte fish.
I can practically smell it.
The Best Part of Writing
People ask me to share the best part of writing and I tell them it depends.
Sometimes it is the joy of creating something of out of nothing and the pleasure that comes with putting words on a page.
But on nights like tonight it is different.
It is the relief that comes from venting and airing out the craziness that sometimes hides between my ears.
I was kind of sad when I started this but now I am smiling because I am certain about what I am doing and why.
Certain that if I skipped this meeting I would be disappointed and that whatever happens I will sleep better knowing I took action.
I may ride the road less traveled but I do so with purpose and intent, that has to count for something.
If nothing else it should help provide some good fodder for my story, just you wait and see.
Time to run, I have to pack and hold a seder of one.
P.S. Tell Elijah he better show up soon or he’ll need to move the Chanukah miracle to Pesach and change the oil into wine.