I am hanging out again with my buddy Pablo and sharing stories of things that might have been and times that never were.
He tilts his beer back and tells me he got a lot of action by casually rolling out the quote below.
“Dude, you used far too many words, stick with that bit about what she’ll learn from that one kiss. But be careful who you say it too, ‘cuz some will say it is just another line.”
Pablo smiles and whispers, “they are all lines and every woman knows this. They are far smarter than we are and if we think differently it is because they have let us believe it to be true.”
I tilt my beer back and tell him to remember to kill your dreams and drown your fantasies.
He cocks his head at a funny angle and tells me he can’t decide if that is the saddest or most inspirational thing he has ever heard.
“Pablo, my friend, I love you dearly but never question me, especially when you are dead and I am very much alive”
Somewhere across the room there is a guy staring at me, wondering if the barista has given me a special drink not normally poured for the average customer.
Or maybe not, maybe he is looking through me and I am being ridiculously self conscious.
Either one could be true, you certainly won’t get any argument from me. Not about that, no sir and no ma’am.
I have some serious fish to fry and no time to wonder or worry about that sort of triviality.
There are bigger battles that I am fully committed to because when Wilner goes to war he is all in.
Got one particularly troublesome and challenging bit that I have been locked in mortal combat for the past year.
I am doing my best impression of Jacob wrestling with the angel and I think more than my hip has been dislocated.
But I won’t tap out and I won’t let go because the consequences could be disastrous or so speaks fear.
So all I ask is that occasionally I get a sip of water, maybe a back rub and someone to listen to my silly tales.
I love the extra sunlight that comes with daylight’s savings but am less than happy with the way it messes with my sleep.
Monday morning was rough, had a horrific dream that made me wake up feeling like I was somewhere between rage and fear.
Walked into the bathroom knowing it was only a dream and confused because it felt like panic was having a field day storming my castle.
Splashed water on my face, took a deep breath and asked myself what is the worst thing that could happen and started laughing because the worst was bad.
That sounds silly and contradictory but the whole thing was so ridiculous and sort of frightening it made me laugh.
And that laughter made me wonder if the fear would get angry that I wasn’t taking it seriously and I laughed harder.
Some might suggest it sounds like I am cracking up and I’d tell them I know exactly who I am, where I am and what I am trying to do.
I have reason to be serious and to be worried about some things but I prefer not to make myself any crazier by wasting all of my energy being serious.
It doesn’t always work, but sometimes it does and I laugh.
This past week I sat one particular person down and told them we are going to have a real conversation about some important stuff.
We did, but I am not sure whether I was heard or understood.
It reminds me that there is another I want to do the same with. Not sure when, if ever it will happen but I have thought about it.
It Could Be A Long Week
Got my mini-me with me for a couple more days before he heads back to Los Angeles.
It has been a fabulous trip and I am not happy he is going back.
I keep reminding myself this is only temporary and that it won’t be long before I see him and sister again, but it doesn’t change things.
I miss the little buggers.
Might have to starting thinking about a project or two to take on because it is going to be a long week and an empty weekend.
But as I told him more than once, if you want to change your life you have to do things and take risks.
You can’t just talk about what you will do. Sometimes you have to kill your dreams and drown your fantasies by taking that next step and going for it.